Motherhood Woes: Can ‘intense parenting’ lead to depression?

updated the 1 August 2016 à 16:14

If you fret over your child and involve yourself a little too much, you may be doing more harm than good to your health.

Let’s face it, parenting is a challenge and requires a huge range of skills and expertise. From changing diapers to picking schools to handling the talk about the birds and the bees, it’s no easy feat. While parents most certainly have their child’s best interests at heart, some research actually suggests that certain styles of parenting can actually have a detrimental effect on not only the children, but mothers as well.

What is intense parenting?

It’s a mum’s instinct to nurture their child and make sure that they’re involved every step of the way, even if it means putting their children’s needs before their own. However, this style of parenting, known as ‘intense parenting’, can actually be negative. According to the study, intense parenting is defined by parents who believe that:

  • women are more necessary and capable than men in parenting;
  • the happiness of parents is derived primarily from their children;
  • parents should always provide stimulating activities that aid in their children’s development;
  • parenting is more difficult than working;
  • parents should always sacrifice their needs for the needs of their children

Though most of these seem to be harmless and even admirable traits in parenting, research has found that women who rigorously follow this style of parenting are more likely to have negative mental health outcomes.

Why is it bad?

The study, which involved of 181 mothers of children under 5 years old, aimed to measure to what extent mothers believed in the above intensive parenting traits. Overall, it found that those who follow at least three of the traits suffer from moderate levels of stress and depression. In particular, those who believed that women are more essential in their children’s upbringing were less satisfied with their lives, while those who believed that parenting is challenging suffered from stress and depression.

While mothers may see this sacrifice to their mental health as necessary to enhance their children’s lives, in reality, such parenting can actually have the opposite effect. Depression in parents can damage the relationship between parents and children, as well as disrupt routines and rituals. Ultimately, this makes children more likely to manifest symptoms of depression and behavioural issues themselves.

How to avoid it

It’s easy to fall into the trap of intense parenting by justifying it as the difficulties of raising a child. The key to overcoming this is to strive for balance. While nobody is suggesting parents should ignore their children, sometimes shifting the focus away from their children is the best course. Some suggested changes include:

  • not being afraid to say “no”
  • avoiding over-scheduling of activities
  • sharing the load equally between parents
  • ensuring that both the parents and children have time to tend to their needs alone

Angela Goh

Photo: Getty Images

Read more:

Parenting 101: 10 Tips for first-time mothers

How to let go of your youngest child?


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Marie France Asia, women's magazine