{"id":340356,"date":"2015-07-31T08:21:50","date_gmt":"2015-07-31T00:21:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/uncategorized-hk\/spying-others-demonstrates-confidence-problem-340356.html"},"modified":"2015-07-31T08:21:50","modified_gmt":"2015-07-31T00:21:50","slug":"spying-others-demonstrates-confidence-problem","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/hk\/lifelove-hk\/coaching-lifelove-hk\/psychology-hk\/spying-others-demonstrates-confidence-problem-340356.html","title":{"rendered":"Spying on others demonstrates a confidence problem in itself"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2015\/07\/Spying.png\"><span style=\"display: block;\" class=\"wrap-img\" id=\"wrap-img-116234\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" itemprop=\"thumbnailUrl\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-116234 img-responsive \" src=\"http:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2015\/07\/Spying-625x342.png\" alt=\"Spying\" width=\"625\" height=\"342\" \/><\/span><\/a><\/p> <h2> <span>WHEN DOES CURIOSITY BECOME UNHEALTHY?<\/span> <\/h2> <p>Fr\u00e9d\u00e9ric Fanget: Wanting to know what happens is a legitimate feeling. Rushing outside after hearing a noise of crumpled sheets, for example, or to learn about someone's\u00a0neighbours is human reaction. This curiosity that drives us to spy on others is not necessarily unhealthy, especially when it comes to superficial <a href=\"http:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/fashion\/serial-shopper\/hot-stuff\/date-night-pick-alexander-wang-zip-detailed-stretch-knit-dress-109638.html\">social relations<\/a>, that is to say, not involving our intimate circle. It can also be a helpful and encouraging mutual aid, even if sometimes it pushes us to conduct ourselves in a\u00a0rude manner. There is probably\u00a0no reason to worry. If, however, you spend all your\u00a0days hiding behind your\u00a0window to watch the comings and goings of your\u00a0neighbours, then you fall into pathological behavior of voyeurism. It all depends on the level of curiosity.<\/p> <h2> <span>WHAT ARE THE LIMITS NOT TO CROSS?<\/span> <\/h2> <p>Again, this depends on the context. For example, I myself have advised one of my patients, who was going through a divorce, to spy on the bank account of her husband. Why? Because he was a manipulator who could put his transactions\u00a0on the line. In a case like this, the intrusion is justified and the only appropriate conduct. In others, it may fall into the delusion of jealousy. Thus patients who spend their time spying on their husbands because they constantly imagine being deceived can be <a href=\"http:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/health\/on-my-plate\/healthy-eating\/sweet-substitutes-5-alternatives-sugar-110271.html\">unhealthy<\/a>.<\/p> <h2> <span>WHAT HIDES THIS HABIT OF SPYING?<\/span> <\/h2> <p>When one spies on their own\u00a0inner circle, like their\u00a0spouse or best friend, what is at stake\u00a0is generally not a disability to trust others, but\u00a0their\u00a0own self-confidence. If their\u00a0confidence is unstable - because it is based primarily on what is called \"the approval trust,\" which means that they\u00a0do not love themselves\u00a0even\u00a0if others\u00a0love them\u00a0- they tend to live in fear of losing those who matter. So, they develop behaviours for verification and to make sure everything goes well, like their\u00a0spouse or best friend and do not prefer someone else. Finally, this spy mania is also indicative of a difficulty to be assertive. What they\u00a0do is that they dare not ask the information of interest directly to their spouse,\u00a0child, etc. With <a href=\"http:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/travel\/do-not-leave-without\/travel-tips\/kiddo-alert-10-tips-travelling-children-111456.html\">children<\/a>, it is necessary, unless imminent danger, to really refrain from playing detective as this is as if to say,\u00a0\"I do not trust you.\" Now it is in the younger years that we acquire the necessary self-confidence, transmitted by single parents. Then it's too late.<\/p> <p><em>Fr\u00e9d\u00e9ric Fanget is the author of Dare Therapy confidence (Ed. Odile Jacob, 2006) and second edition\u00a0(ed. Odile Jacob, 2013).<\/em><\/p> <p><em>Chlo\u00e9 Belleret and Nur Syazana H.<\/em><\/p> ","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Is spying a result of lacking self-confidence? Frederick Fanget, psychiatrist and psychotherapist sheds some light on the subject.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":65,"featured_media":116234,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_yoast_wpseo_metadesc":"Is spying a result of lacking self-confidence? 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