{"id":341107,"date":"2015-05-11T10:07:02","date_gmt":"2015-05-11T02:07:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/uncategorized-hk\/hiding-emotions-at-work-341107.html"},"modified":"2015-05-11T10:07:02","modified_gmt":"2015-05-11T02:07:02","slug":"hiding-emotions-at-work","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/hk\/lifelove-hk\/coaching-lifelove-hk\/hiding-emotions-at-work-341107.html","title":{"rendered":"Should we conceal our emotions at work?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"emotions-travail-750x410\"<\/span><\/a><\/p>

Be efficient and be quiet. That's essentially what we have always hammered into ourselves. This rule, virtually the\u00a0perfect conduct of an employee<\/a>, is it realistic? \"Of course not,\" replied Laurence Saunder<\/strong>, Director of the French Institute for Actions on Stress and author of\u00a0L\u2019\u00e9nergie des \u00e9motions<\/em>* (The Power of Emotions<\/em>). Believing that one can hide his feelings at the office <\/a>is a \"perfect utopia.\" \"Like it or not, they sweat at every moment,\"confirmed\u00a0Catherine Lain\u00e9<\/strong>, a business coach of thirty years\u00a0and author of Du bon usage des \u00e9motions au travail** (Good use of emotions at work). An assassin-like sharp look, choked voice, clammy hands... \u00a0In fact, our body is so 'talkative' that it is estimated 80% of the communication is non-verbal.\"<\/p>

Keep an eye\u00a0on\u00a0those who try to suppress their emotions at all costs. \"If you put a lid on it, after a while it explodes! This is normal, we are not robots,\" warned Saunder calmly.\u00a0\"Conversely, communicating indiscriminately is a big mistake because the company is not Care Bears. Whether negative or positive, you should be wary of excessive emotions and how to defuse them. However, sharing your\u00a0annoyance, impatience, satisfaction, pride and selected pieces of you private life\u00a0will create a community feeling and bring serenity.\u00a0Provided of course, you do it with tact and finesse.<\/p>

Here's a brief overview of what we can and can not do at the office:<\/p>

Shooting yourself in the foot<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>

In the\u00a0kitchen at an office,\u00a0venting out\u00a0is sometimes a matter of survival or a code\u00a0towards\u00a0better self-acceptance. In an insurance company or a dental practice, however, that's another story. \"Except in some circles, the explosion of anger has no place in business,\" said Lain\u00e9. Men are more likely to be\u00a0tolerated as people say 'that's his character', but women are\u00a0less easily forgiven as people say 'she's unnecessarily hysterical' - except perhaps in the case of injustice. So what, do we all\u00a0sit back, ruminating our frustrations? \"Certainly not,\" replied Saunder. \"Otherwise small firecrackers might turn into bomb. \"<\/p>

If your self-esteem is threatened or that the situation is likely to improve, so it is not only allowed but even recommended to bang your fist on the table \u2014 don on velvet gloves first.<\/p>

How do we combat the aggression\u00a0in\u00a0value judgments? As to not insult others, we do not say, \"You are nothing\" or \"It's a nightmare to work with you\".\u00a0\u00a0Instead, say \"I am disappointed, your work does not resemble\u00a0what I had expected\", or \"It is the second time you\u00a0submit a document late,\u00a0I do not feel respected\u00a0and I was left with no choice but to handle things a certain way.\"<\/p>

As for the micro-annoyances, the grass should be cut from under their feet. When a colleague bothers you,\u00a0you have to tell him, that the next time he\u00a0appears in your office uninvited, it will result in anger. Same with the neighbour occupying the open space<\/a>, who hounds you with clicking\u00a0of his pen, talking too loudly on the phone or interrupting us during\u00a0a meeting.\u00a0\"Nothing forbids us to ask the views of\u00a0a third party,\" said H\u00e9l\u00e8ne Sancerre, change management responsible at Cisco.<\/p>

Sobs = farewell to the promotion?<\/span> <\/h2>

Feeling exhausted?\u00a0Dealing with a computer that crashes at the wrong time, or a photocopier that has broken down\u00a0for the umpteenth time, an urgent matter that falls apart, can bring you to tears. What's the best way to handle this?<\/p>

\"Everything depends on the context and the trigger,\" responded Saunder. \"If the reaction seems disproportionate, incomprehensible, then, yes, it is likely to end in tears.\"<\/p>

It's been two years that Clair, the production assistant,\u00a0has been\u00a0unable to contain her overflow of emotion and resorted to\u00a0biting her nails. \"I was exhausted, I had given birth a few months ago,\" said the\u00a036 year-old Parisian. :After a blunder, I was called and I burst into tears. Big mistake, because in the business, if you are not able to exercise self-control, we are quickly stigmatized.\"<\/p>

Lain\u00e9, did not need to be a tough cookie to assert her competence: \"This stereotype\u00a0is\u00a0pass\u00e9.\u00a0The proof: Obama wept (when watching\u00a0The Butler<\/em>), and no one held it against him,\" she said, who pleads for companies to\u00a0pay more consideration into the\u00a0human side of the\u00a0employees in the company, especially since the wave of suicides at France Telecom. In summary, if venting out does not help to climb the ladder, it is not a\u00a0permanent brake on your career.\u00a0\"The real problem\u00a0is\u00a0that it puts people in front of you very uncomfortable,\" she said.<\/p>

Too happy?<\/span> <\/h2>

\"A colleague who embraces life to the fullest is\u00a0better than a colleague\u00a0who smiles when she's angry,\" joked Aline, who's in charge of customer service in a bank branch. However, this employee of 41 years, who has a very jovial nature, prefers to keep her cool in front of others, hiding behind her banker\u00a0facade\u00a0and refusing to reveal\u00a0too much.<\/p>

\"There is no harm in showing joy\u00a0as long as the expression of that happiness does not attack others,\"\u00a0said\u00a0Catherine Lain\u00e9. Everything is a matter of dosage and circumstances. Exult while the company is undermined. \"It's very awkward and it may arouse jealousy,\" warned the coach. However, smile at the announcement of\u00a0a wedding, a birth or success\u00a0stories in general. Even better, play on a colleague's joy after the collective meeting so as to encourage them to perform better for the team. It's a regret\u00a0that the culture of positive feedback is still largely underdeveloped in some countries.<\/p>

Share anything or reveal nothing\u2009?\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>

At the canteen, small talk about other people over meals is inevitable. Don't join in and stay quiet; stay away from risks of betrayal.\u00a0\u00a0\"The secret is to say nothing that can not be said in front of other people,\" said H\u00e9l\u00e8ne Sancerre.\u00a0These kind of conversations do not help ease your emotional tensions. Saunder said, \"In contrast, they amplify tensions, they are toxic for you and for the company... Talk about private lives. Talk about holidays, the last film you watched at the cinema, etc. It's important to create a connection and build a relationship<\/a> for work, but avoid topics that are too intimate.\"<\/p>

Would some aspects of our life be considered taboos? For the coach, Catherine Lain\u00e9, there is no absolute recipe. \"If you want to entrust someone with our\u00a0problems, why not? Provided you\u00a0are willing to take the consequences.\" In other words, one can not assume the future. A\u00a0good friend today may become the enemy or supervisor you need to face\u00a0tomorrow.<\/p>

Furthermore, you are not\u00a0prohibited from opening to\u00a0someone you trust.\u00a0It\u00a0is important to maintain \"an adult-to-adult relationship\" and not seek to establish a \"parent-child\" one, insists H\u00e9l\u00e8ne Sancerre, based on personal experience. \"After my cancer, I resumed my position by keeping the same objectives in mind and everything was\u00a0normal. For even if the company can listen to you,\u00a0they're not there to alleviate your stress.\"<\/p>

Chlo\u00e9 Belleret<\/em><\/p> ","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Insatiable rage or thunderous laughters: we don't always know how to convey our emotions at the office, or if we should at all. Three human resources specialists enlighten us on the matter.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":422,"featured_media":92071,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_yoast_wpseo_metadesc":"Rage or laughter: we don't always know how to convey our emotions at the office, or if we should at all. 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