{"id":344384,"date":"2014-08-10T11:30:42","date_gmt":"2014-08-10T03:30:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/uncategorized-hk\/9-ways-overcome-bad-temper-344384.html"},"modified":"2014-08-10T11:30:42","modified_gmt":"2014-08-10T03:30:42","slug":"9-ways-overcome-bad-temper","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/hk\/lifelove-hk\/coaching-lifelove-hk\/9-ways-overcome-bad-temper-344384.html","title":{"rendered":"9 ways to overcome your temper"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"shutterstock_158565167\"<\/span><\/a><\/p>

#1 Practice self-compassion<\/strong><\/p>

Those wounds that cause us to suffer are often related to the things we lack in our past.\u00a0These may stem from a lack of tenderness, understanding, or love.\u00a0The everyday upsets of life may awaken these realisations.\u00a0\u201cHealing is related to the kindness that we can bestow upon ourselves,\u201d says Christopher Andr\u00e9*, psychiatrist and psychotherapist.\u00a0\u201cWe must learn to accept ourselves with all our faults, to comfort and to encourage ourselves after a failure.\u00a0This self-compassion<\/a> stabilizes our ego, it guards us against the risk of depression and allows us to conserve our energy instead of wasting it in useless anger against ourselves.\"<\/p>

*Author of<\/em>Les \u00e9tats d\u2019\u00e2me. Un apprentissage de la s\u00e9r\u00e9nit\u00e9(The states of the soul -<\/em>\u00a0Learning serenity)<\/em>(Odile Jacob).<\/em><\/p>

#2 Seek out the benefits <\/strong><\/p>

We beat ourselves up, we get frustrated, we get angry... In a contentious couple, there are two individuals who are susceptible.\u00a0Sex therapist Alain H\u00e9ril* proposes to look for the unconscious benefits of such behaviour: it may be a way to keep away from each other to avoid intimacy<\/a>.\u00a0The goal is to slowly identify the problems that keep us in these states of aggressive attitude.\u00a0\u201cThis is a very effective exercise in introspection \u2013 we go back to our past in our own minds, then enter a process of change and mending (or letting go) of our past.\u201d<\/p>

* Author of <\/em>Aimer, comment s\u2019aimer soi-m\u00eame pour aimer les autres (love, how to love yourself to love others) (Flammarion).<\/em><\/em><\/p>

#3 Focus on the senses<\/strong><\/p>

You are going for a project review where, you know, you may be implicated and questioned.\u00a0To avoid getting riled up and defensive, Stephanie Hahusseau*, psychiatrist, proposes to focus your attention on your senses.\u00a0For example, in the car, on the way to the meeting, pay attention to the feel of your hands on the wheel, listen to what is being said on the radio, take in the passing scenery.\u00a0This is one way to bypass the negative emotional state that predisposes to aggression, and approach your appointment in a constructive rather than destructive state of mind.<\/p>

*Author of <\/em>Tristesse, peur, col\u00e8re. Agir sur ses \u00e9motions (\u201cSadness, fear, anger.<\/em>\u00a0Act on your emotions\u201d) (Odile Jacob).<\/em><\/em><\/p>

#4 Set a goal<\/strong><\/p>

During the meeting,\u00a0your boss plants terror in your soul,\u00a0with a speech that is not just upsetting but also humiliating!\u00a0How not to panic?\u00a0Isabelle Filliozat* recommends giving yourself a set of guidelines in terms of your behaviour, such as deciding to ask only three questions.\u00a0\u201cIt is a way to understand how you feel, and not object,\u201d she said, \u201cin order to build momentum towards reaching a goal.\u00a0As a result \u2013 we are more attentive to our own actions than what others do or think.\u201d<\/p>

\u00a0*Author of <\/em>Les Autres et moi. Comment d\u00e9velopper son intelligence sociale (The Others and me.<\/em>\u00a0<\/em>How to develop your social intelligence) (JC Lattes).<\/em><\/p>

#5 Put your emotion into words<\/strong><\/p>

Some nights\u00a0are of such grand fatigue that your husbands\u2019 jokes do not sit with you at all.\u00a0But instead of slamming the door in his face, psychotherapist-Herv\u00e9 Magnin* advises you to put words to your emotions.\u00a0Ask your spouse<\/a> to avoid humour when he sees you stressed.\u00a0Explain that at these times, you need to relax, and not have to focus on not imploding.\u00a0This should be avoided, however, in a hostile environment, because it would provide ammunition to the opposing camp.<\/p>

* Author of <\/em>Susceptible et bien dans ma peau (Sensitive and feeling good about myself) (Youth).<\/em><\/em><\/p>

#6 Buy time<\/strong><\/p>

\u201cWhen the emotion is strong, our reactions are often impulsive\u201d says Herv\u00e9-Magnin.\u00a0When your boss accuses of being \"slack\" at work, you end up retorting, not always tactfully, or you simply cloister in disappointed silence.\u00a0There are other ways out of this bad patch:<\/p>

Do not say anything<\/strong>\u00a0at first.\u00a0Focus on your deep breathing.<\/p>

Listen till the end.<\/strong>\u00a0This can serve you well.<\/p>

Sort it out.<\/strong>\u00a0Ask yourself if what you have just heard is, in fact, true.<\/p>

Let it rest <\/strong>for a while.<\/strong>\u00a0Say, for example: \"I have heard what you have to say, and I need time to think \u2013 can we meet again tomorrow to talk about this?\" This will leave you time to step back and figure out how you should best react.<\/p>

#7 Set the ideal scenario<\/strong><\/p>

Your mother has perfected that annoying little phrase to an art: \u201cThis kind of thing only ever happens to you\u201d\u2026what a communication killer!\u00a0But how do we find our way out of it?\u00a0Catherine Aimelet-P\u00e9rissol*, psychotherapist, proposes to come to a conclusion about the type of relationship you want to have with her.\u00a0You dream of a peaceful and loving relationship? Explain your story to her instead of suffering: decide to welcome her insults with indulgence, and eliminate the mishaps when telling her about your week in order to reassure her about her concerns about you.\u00a0\u201cThinking about the quality of your relationship allows you to act upon it, and also see each other differently.\u00a0This helps us to listen to and focus on her as much as we do ourselves.\u201d<\/p>

* Author of <\/em>Mon corps le sait (My body knows it) (Robert Laffont).<\/em><\/p>

8. Identify the fears of the other<\/strong><\/p>

Over 40 years old, and you are still single.\u00a0A friend hits you with a super blunt \u201cAren\u2019t you afraid to die alone?\u201d and you are two steps away from doing terribly violent things to her.\u00a0Save yourself from that jail sentence! \u201cWhat others say and do is a projection of their own reality,\u201d explains Isabelle-Filliozat.\u00a0\u201cBasically, your friend is not in fact talking about you, but her own fear of abandonment, loneliness, age and death.\u00a0By understanding this mechanism, we can make ourselves immune to unnecessary suffering.\u201d<\/p>


9. Take a step back<\/strong><\/p>

Each time a moment of reflection returns us to a negative thought, like, for example, \u201cnobody loves me\u201d<\/a>, trainer Byron Katie* suggests asking yourself four questions, always the same:<\/p>

1.<\/strong>\u00a0\u2008Is it true?<\/p>

2.<\/strong>\u00a0\u2008Can I know for sure if this is true?<\/p>

3.<\/strong>\u00a0\u2008How do I feel about\/how do I react to this idea?<\/p>

4.<\/strong>\u00a0\u2008How would I feel without this idea?<\/p>

After this, invert the sentence.\u00a0For example, tell yourself instead that \u201cEveryone loves me\u201d and think about the circumstances to justify that this is indeed true.\u00a0Another possible reversal: \u201cI find it hard to love others.\u201d Next, try to understand the situations in your life in which this is the case.\u00a0It works very well to do a thorough job reflecting on our projections, and is particularly useful when we blame others for behaviour that we do not want to see in ourselves.<\/p>

Laurence Cochet<\/em><\/p> ","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Regardless of our age, there are many of us who are likely to get vexed for no rhyme or reason. But this \"bad temper\" is most likely just a mask for some form of suffering. Here are some tips to overcome it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":65,"featured_media":18309,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_yoast_wpseo_metadesc":"Regardless of our age, we are likely to get vexed for no rhyme or reason. But this bad temper is unhealthy. 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