{"id":345050,"date":"2014-05-26T10:45:00","date_gmt":"2014-05-26T02:45:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/uncategorized-hk\/aieshah-8-secret-making-love-story-last-345050.html"},"modified":"2014-05-26T10:45:00","modified_gmt":"2014-05-26T02:45:00","slug":"aieshah-8-secret-making-love-story-last","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/hk\/lifelove-hk\/coaching-lifelove-hk\/aieshah-8-secret-making-love-story-last-345050.html","title":{"rendered":"The secrets to a lasting relationship"},"content":{"rendered":" <p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2014\/05\/shutterstock_173770526-e1400591229366.jpg\"><span style=\"display: block;\" class=\"wrap-img\" id=\"wrap-img-21934\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" itemprop=\"thumbnailUrl\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-21934 img-responsive  size-full\" src=\"http:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2014\/05\/shutterstock_173770526-e1400591229366.jpg\" alt=\"shutterstock_173770526\" width=\"500\" height=\"333\" \/><\/span><\/a><\/p> <p>Nowadays, <a href=\"http:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/lifelove\/coaching-lifelove\/feng-shui-give-love-life-boost-18336.html#post-18336\">we fall in love<\/a> too often, and so we get tired and overly sensitive.\u00a0Does this mean that it is better not to believe in love?\u00a0That all love stories will generally end badly? That we must abandon the longing for a never-ending love, and that the image of happy old couples that sometimes surround us is only a dream? That would be a mistake.\u00a0We should start believing that\u00a0long-term lovers and marital experts exist; there are ways to put the odds on our side when embarking upon a new love story. What are they, and how not to miss out on them?\u00a0Patrick Lemoine, psychiatrist and author of <em>\u201cS\u00e9duire: comment l\u2019amour vient aux humains\u2005(Seduction: how humans fall in love)<\/em> (Robert Laffont), and psychoanalyst Carolina Montet make the point on how lasting love happens.<\/p> <p><strong>Love at first sight is reliable:<\/strong><br \/> False.\u00a0It is better to be realistic: \u201cEven if it is able to deceive the most rational minds, the flood of emotions generated by love at first sight is not a guarantee of success,\" says Caroline Montet.\u00a0But that does not mean that all these cases are inexorably doomed to disappointment \u2013 \u201cThere is also great intuition involved in the ability to recognize great love from the very first meeting,\u201d says the specialist.<\/p> <p><strong>Couples similar in terms of culture, community or interests are at an advantage:<\/strong><br \/> False.\u00a0Certainly, as they say, birds of a feather flock together.\u00a0But they also say that opposites attract... Patrick Lemoine seconds this.\u00a0For him, differences do not create an obstacle if everyone makes an effort to be open-minded to the world of the other.<\/p> <p>\u201cThe key is that each protagonist feels respected and recognized for his personality, opinions and sensitivity,\u201d says the psychiatrist.\u00a0Knowing how to show that you are open to the world of the person you love provides an opportunity to make your <a href=\"http:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/lifelove\/coaching-lifelove\/9-keys-reeducate-man-17700.html#post-17700\">relationship last<\/a>.\u00a0In this sense, if you are dating someone of another ethnic group, it is desirable\u00a0to learn their language and therefore understand their culture.\u201d<\/p> <p><strong>Expecting too much from each other is harmful:<\/strong><br \/> True.\u00a0\"By asking for too much, we ruin the story,\u201d said Patrick Lemoine, before listing the wrong reasons to <a href=\"http:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/lifelove\/coaching-lifelove\/testimonial-projects-weld-us-21937.html#post-21937\">get married<\/a>.\u00a0\u201cIf we initiate a story simply to prove that we are still able to seduce, and allow ourselves to do this at the first moment for fear of loneliness or not having children, it considerably weakens the relationship,\u201d he says.<\/p> <p><strong>Better to be friends before lovers:<br \/> <\/strong>True and false.\u00a0For Caroline Montet \u201cbeing friends before embarking on a romance can often establish relationships of trust to appease the other, and help each other overcome doubt.\u201d But again, be careful!\u00a0Patrick Lemoine echoes this: \u201cIt is often easier to start immediately with a relationship, to begin the journey together on a blank canvas, he says.\u00a0And if you know each other as friends before, it is important to be tolerant of each other\u2019s past love lives so as not to give rise to any jealousy.\u201d<\/p> <p><strong>Physical attraction is essential:\u00a0<\/strong><br \/> True.\u00a0The desire to slip into each other\u2019s arms, to caress each other, to merge into one another... This attraction is undeniably one of the cements of the couple, according to Caroline Montet, \u201cThe conjugal core still consists of three things: the man, the woman and the relationship that feeds upon the exchanges between the two.\u00a0Of course, according to age and stage of life, this desire will not have the same intensity.\u00a0But aesthetically and physically pleasing each other remains essential.\u201d<\/p> <p><strong>If it goes badly in bed, it will go bad on all counts:<\/strong><br \/> False.\u00a0Sometimes, for physical or psychological reasons, the first times do not leave a good impression.\u00a0But for Patrick Lemoine, these problems foretell nothing \u2013 \u201cIf the woman accepts\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/www.viepratique.fr\/sexo\/sexo-quels-facteurs-influent-sur-notre-libido-29513.html#post-29513\">temporary impotence<\/a>\u00a0with understanding, or if the man accepts the anxiety of his lady with tenderness, there is no reason why things should get worse.\u00a0Patience and mutual tolerance can even be considered as a measure of how long-lasting a relationship will be because it leads to recognition of that which would have been responsible for the failure.<\/p> <p><strong>Feeling good about yourself is essential:<\/strong><br \/> False.\u00a0For Patrick Lemoine, our neuroses and anxieties do not condemn us emotionally empty \u2013\u201cIf we reassure and nourish each other with our affection, the relationship should be able to last very well.\u201d<\/p> <p><strong>The family must be in favour of the union to make it work:<br \/> <\/strong>False.\u00a0Too young, too old, too rich, too poor... Can we bet on a companion who does not fit into the criteria of the family?\u00a0Yes, Patrick Lemoine.\u00a0\u201cWhat matters in <a href=\"http:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/lifelove\/coaching-lifelove\/4-steps-managing-stress-18069.html#post-18069\">times of stress<\/a> is that the partners support each other when facing the family,\u201d he says.<\/p> <p><strong>Fusion is a guarantee of long love life:<\/strong><br \/> True and false.\u00a0\u201cIf the desire for fusion is shared, there is no reason why it is harmful,\u201d says Patrick Lemoine.\u00a0\u201cLike one of my former patients, who, in a blissful relationship, even knew the details of every single case that her lawyer husband was involved in, I have known couples who are inseparable even after <a href=\"http:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/lifelove\/coaching-lifelove\/age-difference-makes-us-happy-18348.html#post-18348\">fifty years of marriage<\/a>.\u00a0But this should not make us forget that too symbiotic a relationship can also stifle the relationship, if this need is not reciprocal.\u201d<\/p> <p><strong>A relationship that starts off on a bad foot is doomed from the beginning:<br \/> <\/strong>False.\u00a0Getting rid of bad first impressions is almost always possible, according to Patrick Lemoine.\u00a0\u201cBut this is under the assumption that each partner wishes to do so, and that there is still love between the couple,\u201d he says.\u00a0To take <a href=\"http:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/lifelove\/expert-advice\/free-yourself-from-the-opinions-of-others-11326.html#post-11326\">your feelings<\/a> into account, the psychiatrist suggests this little exercise \u2013 \u201cWhen I talk to couples who are going through some turbulence, I suggest that they write each other a love letter, and another a break-up letter.\u00a0When received, the most inspired letter expresses the deepest desires.\u201d<\/p> <p><strong>To last, you must want to last:<\/strong><br \/> True.\u00a0For Caroline Montet, the longevity of a couple is an everyday job. \u201cMaintaining a loving household , she concludes, requires to fight against the vagaries of life, work demands, temptations, stress...\u201d.<\/p>  <p><strong>Read more from our\u00a0\u00a0report \u201cThe secrets to a lasting relationship\u201d<\/strong>:<br \/> <a href=\"http:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/lifelove\/coaching-lifelove\/testimonial-projects-weld-us-21937.html#post-21937\">Testimony: \u201cOur projects bound us\u201d<\/a><br \/> <a href=\"http:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/lifelove\/coaching-lifelove\/testimonial-twice-year-escape-romantic-days-21941.html#post-21941\">Testimony: \u201cTwice a year, we escape together\u201d<\/a><\/p> <p><em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p> <p><em>Laurence Cochet<\/em><\/p>   ","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You are embarking on a new love story and you want to put all the odds in your favour. To help you, two couple specialists, a psychiatrist and a psychoanalyst, show you the best ways to do it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":65,"featured_media":21934,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_yoast_wpseo_metadesc":"We take expert advice from a psychiatrist and a psychoanalyst to discover the real truth about how to make our real-life love stories last 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