{"id":345366,"date":"2014-04-18T09:00:43","date_gmt":"2014-04-18T01:00:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/uncategorized-hk\/9-keys-reeducate-man-345366.html"},"modified":"2014-04-18T09:00:43","modified_gmt":"2014-04-18T01:00:43","slug":"9-keys-reeducate-man","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/hk\/lifelove-hk\/coaching-lifelove-hk\/9-keys-reeducate-man-345366.html","title":{"rendered":"9 keys to reignite the passion in your relationship!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong><a href=\"http:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2014\/04\/iStock_000027745977Small-500x500.jpg\"><span style=\"display: block;\" class=\"wrap-img\" id=\"wrap-img-17704\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" itemprop=\"thumbnailUrl\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-17704 img-responsive  alignright\" src=\"http:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2014\/04\/iStock_000027745977Small-500x500-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"iStock_000027745977Small-500x500\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" \/><\/span><\/a><\/strong><\/p> <p>#1 Cuddle him:<\/p> <p>He sits at ease in front of the Sunday night movie, while you fill the dishwasher grumbling?\u00a0Stop!\u00a0Stop griping and\u00a0instead scoot up against your lover.\u00a0\u201cIt is often because we are less present that a man closes himself in his routines,\u201d explains psychotherapist Jane Turner*.<\/p> <p>Her advice?\u00a0Touch him, take his hand and laugh like you did the first time you watched a film together cuddled up on his couch; mood change guaranteed!\u00a0Magic?\u00a0No, logic: the act of hugging always activates a flow of oxytocin (the love hormone) in our brain, which enhances the feeling of well-being, confidence and intimacy, and maintains the feeling of attachment.<\/p>  <p><em>* Author of '<\/em><em>9 bonnes\u00a0fa\u00e7ons de construire sa vie adulte'<\/em><em> (9 great ways to construct your adult life) (Inter\u00c9ditions)<\/em><\/p>  <p><strong><br \/>  #2 Look elsewhere...<\/strong><\/p> <p>\u201cMerely considering this hypothesis can have a positive effect on a relationship,\u201d says psychotherapist Bernard H\u00e9vin*.\u00a0With this idea, your poise, your look and your attitudes will transform... To maintain this effect, cultivate your male friendships, accept invitations to lunch (they are not committing you to anything), keeping all such escapades secret.<\/p> <p>When we begin to look at other men, do what it takes to attract their attention, and spark their interest, the one with whom we share our life will realise via small clues.\u00a0In the end, it creates an illusion that spontaneously awakens his interest in you.\u00a0What a pleasure to become an object of desire once again...<\/p>  <p><em>* Author, with Jane Turner, of <\/em><em>9 bonnes\u00a0fa\u00e7ons de construire sa vie adulte<\/em><em> (9 great ways to construct your adult life) (Inter\u00c9ditions)<\/em><\/p>  <p><strong><br \/>  #3 Flatter his ego.:<\/strong><em><br \/> <\/em><\/p> <p>How could he guess that we love it when he is courteous on the roads, considerate when in queues, funny at dinners, etc., if we do not praise him when he performs as such? \u201cAnd rather than embarking on a behavioural analysis, simply tell him \u201cbravo\u201d.\u00a0This always goes better with a few sweet words with a cute smile,\u201d says psychoanalyst Marie-Laure Colonna*.<\/p> <p>Try it out: the more specific it is, the better it works because it sets a benchmark for his behaviour.<\/p>  <p><em>*Author of <\/em><em>L\u2019Aventure du couple aujourd\u2019hui<\/em><em> (The Adventure of the couple today) (Dervy).<\/em><\/p>  <p><strong><br \/>  #4 Long live conciliations:<\/strong><\/p> <p>Recognize that we sometimes tend to play the rectifiers of wrong-doing \u2013 \u201cStop complaining!\u201d \u201cHave you never been taught to keep your things?\u201d etc.\u00a0But \u201cthe more you position yourself as a demanding \u201cmother\u201d, the more likely he is to veer away,\u201d says psychotherapist Valerie Colin-Simard*.<\/p> <p>Does this mean we have to endure everything without a flinch? Obviously not.\u00a0But there is a manner to be heard.\u00a0\u201cWe can express our needs if we choose the right words,\u201d said the specialist. For example \u2013 for all twenty minutes that you are trying to read, your other half insists on reading all the bank statements aloud, as if for the whole house to enjoy.<\/p> <p>A simple \u201csorry, baby (if needed), I want to concentrate on my book.\u00a0Could you possibly (we restore his right to free will) deal with your accounts softly, please?\u201d should probably have a slightly better impact than \u201cCan you just shut up!\u201d\u00a0When we seem less demanding, the other always offers less resistance...<\/p>  <p><em>*Author of <\/em><em>Quand les femmes s\u2019\u00e9veilleront<\/em><em>(<\/em><em>When women awaken) (Pocket).<\/em><\/p>  <p><strong><br \/>  #5 Maintain distance:<\/strong><\/p> <p>Done with it.\u00a0You have tried just about everything, it has been weeks and he has not made a scrap more effort to aim to get the tissue actually into the dustbin... Last resort: rather than reacting with a hot head, go down a cold spin.\u00a0In other words, deal him as a sort of moral failure by distancing yourself.\u00a0How does it work?<\/p> <p>Make him feel that you have given up caring about him without giving him any hints as to why. In everyday life, it is does not matter that he scratches your field of sight, as he makes no impression on your retina, and you are passionate about everything that is not him.\u00a0If he tries to talk to you, give a startled: \u201cOh! You're here...\u201d and listen politely, without any particular reaction.\u00a0If the relationship is still alive, Marie-Laure Colonna assures that it is he who will seek a key to successfully thaw you out.<\/p>  <p><strong><br \/>  #6 Reviving the mornings:<\/strong><\/p> <p>So the one who used to kiss you passionately every morning now wishes you a flippant \u201cmorning!\u201d as he gets out of bed\u2026what a shame!\u00a0\u201cOften, over time, couples forget that the foundation of living together happily is built upon those first moments after waking up in the morning,\u201d says Marie-Laure Colonna.\u00a0But how?\u00a0\u201cSignal to him, with affection, that if there is a special moment for you, it is this first contact of the day with him,\u201d says the specialist.\u00a0Set an example by resetting the reflex \u2013 in the morning, look at each other, (who cares about the puffy eyes) kiss, and ask each other if you slept well... Thus, a type of code of courtesy is honoured.\u00a0Sweetly said and clearly shown, there should be progress in the rest of the day as well.<\/p>  <p><strong><br \/>  #7 Keep your own space:<\/strong><\/p> <p>If your partner lives only for his job, or if you share most of your leisure time\u00a0with your friends, a question arises: how does everyone at home feel when under the same roof?\u00a0Deserting the marital home can be a sign of a problem area.\u00a0\u201cWhen the boundaries are trespassed, neither of them manages to preserve a space of his own, and this often generates mistrust and withdrawal resulting from a feeling of not being respected,\u201d says psychotherapist Jean-Paul Sauz\u00e8de*.<\/p> <p>Ask yourself \u2013 do you have a space of retreat that is unique to you in your home?\u00a0A seat in the living room, a corner of the office, a drawer in the bathroom...?\u00a0Because it gives us a sense of security, defining a space for the \u201cself\u201d often ensures peace in the household.\u00a0If there are no walls, it might be time to define one or two borders...<\/p>  <p><em>* Author of <\/em><em>Cr\u00e9er un couple durable entre c\u00e2lins et temp\u00eates (<\/em><em>Creating a durable couple between hugs and storms) (Inter\u00c9ditions).<\/em><\/p>   <p><strong>#8 Throw a tantrum:<\/strong><\/p> <p>He forgot, again, to call granny, to leave the car keys with you, or to warn you that he is not having dinner at home... The solution to stop the slow drifting?\u00a0Scream!\u00a0\u201cIf you want him to react differently, you sometimes have to express yourself differently,\u201d argues Marie-Laure Colonna.\u00a0Unleash your frustration with conviction, allow yourself a bout of violent indignation, express yourself with your facial expressions and your tears. \u201cImmerse yourself in the emotion,\u201d recommends the specialist. Live it and play it, in a form of calculated spontaneity,\u201d she says.\u00a0Childish?\u00a0Perhaps, but the psychoanalyst has faith that when the reaction is justified, it works...<\/p>  <p><strong><br \/>  #9 TV Breakdown:<\/strong><\/p> <p>Plan a hijacking of the TV, just to be able to spend time with him again. \u201cThe idea has been proven to work,\u201d says Bernard H\u00e9vin, who regularly recommends this very idea to his patients who have couch potatoes as companions.\u00a0It is easy \u2013 blur the screen by wrapping a bit of aluminium foil on the antenna jack of your TV set.\u00a0Then reconnect the cable by pushing it to the bottom so that he does not see... Triumph!\u00a0Be careful though \u2013 having played your turn, do not forget to disconnect the TV from the mains before removing the aluminium cap with a pair of wooden tweezers or chopsticks or you may be in for a shock bigger than the one you gave him...<\/p>  <p><em>Laurence Cochet<\/em><\/p>   ","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The years pass, the marriage continues (sometimes) and the man who used to bring us coffee in bed now remains glued to the TV or computer. Can this bear ever become the lover we fell for again? We put our money on \u2018yes\u2019!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":65,"featured_media":17704,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_yoast_wpseo_metadesc":"The years pass, the relationship continues but the man who used to bring us coffee in bed now remains glued to the TV or computer. 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