{"id":345370,"date":"2014-04-17T11:02:33","date_gmt":"2014-04-17T03:02:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/uncategorized-hk\/slow-sex-secret-great-sex-345370.html"},"modified":"2014-04-17T11:02:33","modified_gmt":"2014-04-17T03:02:33","slug":"slow-sex-secret-great-sex","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/hk\/lifelove-hk\/expert-advice-hk\/slow-sex-secret-great-sex-345370.html","title":{"rendered":"Is slow sex the secret to great sex?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p style=\"text-align: center\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2014\/04\/sex1.jpg\"><span style=\"display: block;\" class=\"wrap-img\" id=\"wrap-img-17890\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" itemprop=\"thumbnailUrl\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-17890 img-responsive  aligncenter\" src=\"http:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2014\/04\/sex1.jpg\" alt=\"sex\" width=\"500\" height=\"333\" \/><\/span><\/a><\/p> <p><strong>What is slow sex?<br \/> <\/strong><\/p> <p>It is the decision to <em>letting <\/em>instead of <em>making<\/em> it happen.\u00a0Being active at all points is reassuring, in that it provides a sense of being able to maintain control over the situation. \u00a0But try leaving the door open to the unknown, and allow yourself to be surprised by yourself or your partner.\u00a0By relaxing, we are fully present in each moment and we put ourselves in the best place to allow authentic feelings to happen.\u00a0Slowing down allows you to discover new sensations connected to the body, emotions and feelings \u2013 not just your own, but also those of the other person.\u00a0 Mobilise all our senses and allow yourself to be guided by your body.\u00a0Desire and pleasure do not only happen as a result of excitement and sexual drive, as many movies suggest.<\/p> <p><strong><br \/>  This requires successfully breaking away from the obsession with result and performance...<br \/> <\/strong><\/p> <p>Making love directed towards a specific goal, like an orgasm, just results in missing a lot of other things along the way.\u00a0A desire to perform and do better than the last time at any cost creates pressure.\u00a0But when you are tense, you are restricted; you contain all your energy.\u00a0Conversely, when there is no particular expectation, you are relaxed, you are open, you are free.\u00a0The best way not to put pressure on yourself is to consider the meeting as a sensual and sensory experience.\u00a0If it turns into erotic and sexual encounter, that's fine.\u00a0And f it remains just sensual and sensory, that's perfectly fine as well.<\/p> <p><strong><br \/>  Deciding to slow down is one thing, getting there is another.\u00a0What can we actually do to achieve this?<br \/> <\/strong><\/p> <p>As a couple, you can, for example, decide to spend time together with a condition: for men, no ejaculation; for women, no efforts to achieve an orgasm.\u00a0This defuses the habitual routine, allows you to avoid the norms, and instead make discoveries.\u00a0We get lost, we stroll, we make detours.\u00a0By exploring every millimetre, we are more present in the moment.\u00a0As a result, we no longer have to stick to the same mechanical performances.\u00a0In everyday life, anything that helps us relax will be beneficial, massages and yoga in\u00a0particular.<\/p> <p><strong><br \/>  You also explain in your book that the artificial allows a return to the natural.\u00a0Is this not contradictory? <br \/> <\/strong><\/p> <p>No, not at all.\u00a0The artificial, playing a role and making an appointment for an intimate moment at a specific time, does wonders.\u00a0It is a way out of our mechanical habits and of surprising each other.\u00a0Putting up a framework is useful and allows creativity; it helps to leave room for improvisation \u2013 a bath, a massage, a dance... Blindfolding the eyes can also help remove a large part of the mental stimulation and control.\u00a0This leaves no choice but to leave yourself to the sensations and pleasures of the body.\u00a0Trust your other senses, trust each other, surprise and be surprised one another, and you will be transported to another world outside of the usual and the predictable.\u00a0The body becomes a laboratory for sensory experiments.\u00a0Sensuality will awaken energy, and taking it slow will stir desire.<\/p> <p><strong><br \/>  Is creating a special atmosphere important?<br \/> <\/strong><\/p> <p>It is not critical, but it can help some couples,\u00a0I think, for example,\u00a0couples with young children.\u00a0Create an atmosphere with candles or music in the room and go there only to enjoy a sexual or sensual moment can contribute to letting yourself go.\u00a0We are thus detached from everyday life, and the endless list of mundane things to do.<\/p>   <p><em>Interview by Fabienne Broucaret<\/em><\/p>  ","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Slow down, think a little less, focus on the being and not the doing\u2026 Slow sex means that you will have to disobey to the orders of performance and speed, explains Gestalt therapist and author of \u201cLaissez faire l\u2019amour\u201d (Let love happen), Stephen Vasey.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":57,"featured_media":17679,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_yoast_wpseo_metadesc":"Slow down, think a little less, focus on the being and not the doing\u2026 Slow sex means that you will have to disobey to the orders of performance and speed.","_is_translated":false,"_source_post_url":"","is_displayed_in_hp":false,"displayed_in_hp_after_update":false,"is_thumb_featured":false,"template_without_diapo":"","enable_bloc_resume":false,"bloc_resume_post":[],"ctc_post":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[17018],"tags":[1641722,1636047,1638550,1641293,1638628,1638378,1635953,1642642,1641295,1636892,1648594],"class_list":["post-345370","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-expert-advice-hk","tag-coaching-hk","tag-couple-hk","tag-expert-advice-2-hk","tag-intimacy-hk","tag-life-advice-hk","tag-life-and-love-hk","tag-love-hk","tag-pleasure-hk","tag-sex-hk","tag-sex-life-hk","tag-slow-sex-hk"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Slow sex: Is it the secret of great sex? 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