{"id":345456,"date":"2014-04-07T11:13:21","date_gmt":"2014-04-07T03:13:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/uncategorized-hk\/9-ways-to-stop-bitching-about-nothing-345456.html"},"modified":"2014-04-07T11:13:21","modified_gmt":"2014-04-07T03:13:21","slug":"9-ways-to-stop-bitching-about-nothing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/hk\/lifelove-hk\/coaching-lifelove-hk\/9-ways-to-stop-bitching-about-nothing-345456.html","title":{"rendered":"Stop Complaining: 9 Ways to stop!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p style=\"text-align: center\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2014\/04\/iStock_000012296301XSmall.jpg\"><span style=\"display: block;\" class=\"wrap-img\" id=\"wrap-img-11929\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" itemprop=\"thumbnailUrl\" class=\" wp-image-11929 img-responsive  aligncenter\" src=\"http:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2014\/04\/iStock_000012296301XSmall.jpg\" alt=\"iStock_000012296301XSmall\" width=\"426\" height=\"282\" \/><\/span><\/a><\/p> <p><strong>1.\u00a0Practice self-criticism\u00a0<\/strong><\/p> <p>Every morning when you wake up, does reality just overwhelm you?\u00a0Some sort of joint stiffness gaining ground? Looking at it constructively, it would seem that if you had not abandoned ballet trainings, you would still be able to touch your toes, or maybe even doing splits just to show off.\u00a0\u201cSwapping the complaint with criticism encourages us to become aware of our faults and weaknesses, but also our strengths,\u201d says Martine Teillac*.\u00a0This first step should lead us to the second: in this case, action in reconnecting with flexibility.<\/p> <p><em>* Author of Loving yourself to love others (First Editions).<\/em><\/p> <p><em><br \/> <\/em><strong>2.<\/strong>\u00a0<strong>Accept the duality<\/strong><\/p> <p>In our quest for happiness, we sometimes forget the duality of existence \u2013 there is no light without darkness, nor joy without sorrow, recalls Eric Wilson*.\u00a0\u201cSadness is a normal component of an existence that is rich and open to the complexity of things.\u00a0We should thus not reject it, but instead accept a better understanding of ourselves with regards to it.\u201d<\/p> <p><em>* Quoted in St\u00e9phane Osmont's <em>The Pursuit of Happiness <\/em>(Albin Michel).<\/em><\/p> <p><em><br \/> <\/em><strong>3.<\/strong>\u00a0<strong>Adjust your complaints<\/strong><\/p> <p>A friend hurts us, our boss attacks us, our child irritates us... revisiting it over and over again in a loop of bitterness feeds the grief instead of exhausting it.\u00a0You can quit this loop by according your complaint the same importance it has it reality, remarks Fran\u00e7ois Roustang*.\u00a0In other words, a mini-pain only deserves a mini-complain.\u00a0By adopting this mentality of an informed observer, we already become a little less a suffering soul, closed in on itself.<\/p> <p><em>*Author of The End of the complaint (Odile Jacob).<\/em><\/p> <p><em><br \/> <\/em><strong>4.<\/strong>\u00a0<strong>Dare to self-deprecate<\/strong><\/p> <p>You lament about your cellulite?\u00a0Instead, put on a red clown nose, plant yourself in front of a mirror and envision your curvy self walking like a sumo warrior on the edge of lipid coma.\u00a0\u201cOur complaints are in the mind. Laughter can also reverberate through the body.\u00a0When exaggerated, the complaints themselves appear ridiculous, we smile, thus breaking the vicious circle of pessimism and depression, and stand up to take power over our lives, \"says Corinne Cosseron*.<\/p> <p><em>* Author of Return of Laughter in your Life (Robert Laffont) and creative www.ecoledurire.org<\/em><\/p>  <p><strong>5.<\/strong>\u00a0<strong>Take Action<\/strong><\/p> <p>What misery!\u00a0Nobody cares about us, our significant other is sulking and all our companions go silent, to the point that even the cat ignores us.\u00a0Instead of whining and wallowing in on our discomfort, it is better to imagine that we have amnesia to it, this allows us to take a fresh look at our man and our loved ones, offers Dr Christophe Faure* psychiatrist.\u00a0Who are they, really?\u00a0What do they like?\u00a0Chocolate, Indian cuisine, thrillers?\u00a0Then try to make them happy.\u00a0And change your attitude \u2013 feed your relationships, instead of waiting for them to fill us.\u00a0In a relationship, we should listen to our companion, touch him, give him time, relearn the idea of generosity, increase the number of thoughtful gestures and encouraging phrases.\u00a0Without expecting any sort of return, though it will come in time.<\/p> <p><em>*Author of Alone Together (Albin Michel).<\/em><\/p>  <p><strong>6.<\/strong>\u00a0<strong>Unload emotion<\/strong><\/p> <p>Our complaints are useful because they reveal\u00a0an emotional overload that we should get rid of.\u00a0One tip suggested by psychotherapist Isabelle Filliozat* is asking a close friend to sit, and then laying your head on her lap (or against her shoulder, it should work too).\u00a0Give yourself ten minutes of non-stop whining, crying too, if you must.\u00a0Try it - the moment of shame passes quickly \u2013 and you will see \u2013 you will really feel relieved.<\/p> <p><em>* Author of The Others and I (JC Lattes).<\/em><\/p> <p><em><br \/> <\/em><strong>7.<\/strong>\u00a0<strong>Stop the comparisons<\/strong><\/p> <p>Your children are not as brilliant as your brother\u2019s, your apartment is less windy than the one above... comparing your fate to others certainly opens the door to frustrations.\u00a0Better learn to be satisfied with what is \u201cgood enough\u201d for yourself without focusing on what is not.\u00a0This is a practice of restructuring your life in three stages:<\/p> <p>\u2022 Think back to times when you have been fully satisfied with what you have.<\/p> <p>\u2022 Analyse your selection criteria: when you decide to buy that car, what was it that mattered most, aesthetics, comfort or strength?\u00a0Likewise, did that apartment seduce you with its charm or its location?<\/p> <p>\u2022 Apply these criteria to other areas of your life.<\/p> <p><em>Read: The Paradox of Choice by Barry Schwartz (Marabout Company).<\/em><\/p> <p><em><br \/> <\/em><strong>8.<\/strong>\u00a0<strong>Delve into the nuisances\u00a0<\/strong><\/p> <p>The roar of a drill, the long queues, the never-ending traffic jams...it is hard not to get overwhelmed with the exasperation.\u00a0Psychoanalyst Fran\u00e7ois Roustang* recommends to dive in the heart of the small annoyances of life to be absorbed whole and integrated.\u00a0They soon lose the power to destroy us.\u00a0Socrates advocated indifference to everything, cold, heat and rest.\u00a0He shared with us his secret: a total commitment to reality for maximum adaptation.<\/p> <p><em>*Author of Socrates\u2019 Secret to Change Lives (Odile Jacob).<\/em><\/p>  <p><strong>9.<\/strong>\u00a0<strong>Seize opportunities<\/strong><\/p> <p>Our complaints express an aspiration.\u00a0They should lead us to ask questions.\u00a0We are going in circles at work, how can we change it?\u00a0We feel lonely and lament about not meeting anyone, but what have we ever done to break this isolation?\u00a0Have we explored all the resources of clubs or associations?\u00a0And when chance offers us meetings, are we the kind to jump on it or give excuses to avoid a life on the good side?<\/p> <p><em><br \/> <\/em><em>Laurence Cochet<\/em><\/p>  <p><strong>Our report on <a href=\"http:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/top-tips-for-living-without-bitching\/\">living without complaint<\/a>:<\/strong><\/p> <p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/3-good-reasons-to-quit-bitching\/\">Stop Complaining: 3 good reasons to quit!<\/a><\/p> <p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/how-to-live-peacefully-with-your-family\/\">How to live peacefully with the family?<\/a><\/p> <p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/living-harmoniously-at-work\/\">How to live harmoniously at work?<\/a><\/p> <p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/living-without-complaining-in-society\/\">How to stop stop complaining in society?<\/a><\/p>  ","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>There are days when everything leads us to a self-piteous sniff: the grey sky, the family atmosphere, tensions at the office... but is this really the best way to respond to the disappointments and frustrations of life? It depends. Here's how to sort yourself out and keep only the good side of our complaints.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":65,"featured_media":11929,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_yoast_wpseo_metadesc":"There are days when everything leads us to a self-piteous sniff but is this really the best way to respond to the disappointments and frustrations of 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