{"id":345483,"date":"2014-04-04T11:31:03","date_gmt":"2014-04-04T03:31:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/uncategorized-hk\/free-yourself-from-the-opinions-of-others-345483.html"},"modified":"2014-04-04T11:31:03","modified_gmt":"2014-04-04T03:31:03","slug":"free-yourself-from-the-opinions-of-others","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mariefranceasia.com\/hk\/lifelove-hk\/expert-advice-hk\/free-yourself-from-the-opinions-of-others-345483.html","title":{"rendered":"Self confidence: How to free yourself from the opinions of others?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"SeLiberer1\"<\/span><\/a><\/h1>

Stella, 30 years old, in a relationship, no children:<\/strong>\u00a0\u201cWhat other people think dictates my behaviour so much that when I have to make a decision, I always ask for their opinions, sometimes even when buying a piece of clothing.\u00a0In my everyday actions and even in my life decisions, I always wonder, \u201cIs this going to please people, won\u2019t they criticise me?\u201d\u00a0I'm always looking for things that will please others, or at least displease them less.\u00a0I try to get out of this pattern taught by my culture, but it is difficult and sometimes oppressive.\u00a0Is there a solution so that my choices are, finally, really mine?\u201d<\/p>


The response of psychologist C\u00e9cile Kapfer, author of \"21 keys to a fulfilling life<\/em>\" (Jouvence edition):<\/strong><\/p>

\"First, I want to say that dependence on the opinions of others is a condition that goes well beyond specific cultures\u2026\u00a0The problem is that referring to others to make your decisions may make you a chameleon, you disappear, and, in the end, you lose.\u00a0It may even become an addiction.\u00a0It is an attitude that feeds your fears and pushes you towards constant self-censorship.\u00a0It really inhibits the ability to act of your own accord.<\/p>

Getting yourself out of this mentality is to live a whole new learning process.\u00a0This may involve a lot of reasoning and asking yourself questions like \u201cWhat do I really want in life?\u00a0The desires and choices of others?\u00a0Mine?\u00a0Which do I choose?<\/strong>\u201d You can train yourself daily by making small decisions: The dish at the restaurant, the menu for the dinner you are organising next Saturday, the outfit you will wear to office tomorrow... You should neither block out your own opinions nor be in denial, but instead make real decisions that you will take with pleasure.\u00a0Then, for making\u00a0bigger decisions, such as a career change for example, you may request for the advice and guidance to your loved ones.\u00a0Make a mental note of what they think about it, then take into account your own thoughts as well, make your own opinion, and then take your own decision.\u00a0Because others are not you, and nobody is living your life for you.\u00a0It does not work to look for things that will please other people, do what pleases you!<\/p>

Making choices can awaken fear in you for certain reasons. However, it is useless to let yourself be overwhelmed by doubt.\u00a0Rely instead on your feelings, your intuition and your instincts.\u00a0Learn how to listen to your deepest feelings.\u00a0Because doubt is all in the mind - imagine that your thoughts are parasitized to the point that you can no longer think for yourself.\u00a0Evidently, you will not be able to do anything.\u00a0To overcome this deadlock, one could get me to accompany a patient to a store, for example.\u00a0This kind of \"psychotherapy of reality\" allows a better understanding of what makes them uncomfortable in making decisions, and thus also allows them to position themselves differently, such that the decision is no longer a problem.<\/p>

If the dependency in relation to others\u2019 opinions endures, it is often a sign of lack of\u00a0self-confidence, one of the main motives for consulting others.\u00a0There may have been something in your personal history that caused it \u2013 was there, for example, an overprotective parent, a restricted childhood, or a prevalent family situation?\u00a0Lack of trust can also result in real problems existing with yourself, to find your place, to find the right distance from others, not allowing your space to be invaded without retreating ... Tell yourself \u201cI'm not the others, others are not me, we each have our own desires, and this is not a problem.\u201d<\/p>

Finally, note that making your own choices is to express your individuality, bring a personal touch and move towards greater freedom.\u00a0You can never please everyone, so dare to do what you really like!\u00a0Your relationships with others will be not tarnished \u2013 quite the contrary in fact, because the idea that you are doing what others want is not necessarily accurate.\u00a0By daring to make your own decisions and taking ownership of them, you blossom more and your relationships with others will really improve.\u00a0It is a win-win strategy for everyone.\u201d<\/p>

Interview by Fabienne Broucaret<\/em><\/p> ","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How can we free ourselves from what other people think and make our own decisions? We ask psychologist C\u00e9cile Kapfer for advise.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":57,"featured_media":11327,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_yoast_wpseo_metadesc":"How can we free ourselves from what other people think?We take advice from psychologist C\u00e9cile Kapfer who encourages us to ask: What do really we want in 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