Depression: How to emerge from the condition a winner?

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Step 1: Get out of denial
Any form of depression creates the opportunity to deal with your story, take care of yourself and, thus, achieve self-fulfilment. For that purpose though, there is one condition: stop the denial. Accept that you are struggling and acknowledge that you no longer want to ignore the problem."Paradoxically, while they know perfectly well that something is wrong in their life, many are those who set up everything for not solving their problem. Often, they even try to forget it through compulsive practices or medication ", regrets Étienne Payen. Yet, according to the theory of "positive depression ", by doing your utmost to suppress your suffering, you’ll miss the signals being sent by your body and mind. “The depression, says ‘Stop lying to yourself. You don’t get it!’”, the doctor states. “It is a mechanism that allows you to escape to the pressure, to be on standby, to take, finally, the time to re-evaluate your life.” Not focusing on the root cause of your pain would, thus, equate to not opening a letter you received.
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Step 2: Listen to the child who cries inside
For Moussa Nabati, just as fever or pain are symptomatic of physical illness, the depressive disorder often reveals a suffering caused by an old and unconscious imaginary guilt. “Whatever is the triggering factor, when the depressive mood increases, goes on and freezes any desire, we can say that the origin of the problem comes from a premature infantile depression,” he explains.
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Step 3: Start psychotherapy
“By releasing words, the therapy, associated or not with medicines, allows the patient to recognise that it’s time to release something and understand how he/she is living. He/she acts as an engine favouring a change in the state of mind”, explains Étienne Payen. Moussa Nabati reports the same: “Understanding why we are depressed requires soul searching. Yet, nothing is more difficult than trying to make it alone. That’s why meeting a therapist is essential to immerse yourself in your internal pain in complete safety”
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Stage 4: Change your behaviour
Depression is the sign that something is wrong, hence it is necessary to give up some harmful habits and adopt others. “It would be too simple to believe that it is enough to leave somebody or to change job to solve your problems”, explains Étienne Payen. “In reality, it is advisable to depart a little from your story to succeed in modifying ways of thinking and reacting.” So, he explains, it is encouraged for the patient to learn to say “No”. They must learn to make themselves heard, and be loved for what you are rather than what you can give.
But be careful; it is also necessary to develop the power to tell yourself “No”. No to your quirks and defence mechanisms. “It is about becoming a good parent to yourself”, explains Moussa Nabati. Become your own mother when you experience difficulties taking care of your body; for example, your diet. Or adopt the role of an attentive father to protect yourself from destructive behaviour.” Adopting a new way of looking at yourself dispels confusion with the child who cries; thereby transforming your inner emptiness into energy.
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Step 5: Bounce up from it!
For Étienne Payen, it is the “snowball effect” of therapy that drives, gradually, the patient to escape from the depressive phenomenon and finally find a new balance.
“I remember a 35-year old patient came for a consultation when she was in full depression after a relationship breakup,” explains Moussa Nabati. “Quickly, she began talking about her childhood and being partially raised by her grandmother after being abandoned. Yet, thanks to the analysis, she noticed that she had always behaved in an infantile manner around her partner. She looked for the merging, and was jealous, exclusive: everything denoted that she was not in an adult’s position but, on the contrary, she asked the man she loved to be a kind of maternal substitute. This awareness gradually brought her to accept her story in order to not make the same mistake nor fill her inner emptiness by relying on the other one. Thus, she was able to return to the painting, to do things alone without anxiety. Then, after becoming stronger psychically, she met a new partner she was able to love as a woman, rather than as a child.”
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Step 6: Restart freer and more mature
Similarly, Étienne Payen reports that depression can be profitable thanks to the implementation of a new living environment. “I received in consultation a 49-year-old patient who suffered from compulsive obsessive disorder (wash, cleaning) and depression. Quickly, it seemed that she felt trapped between a surly husband and well-to-do parents who compensated for the errors of the husband. She was the woman who felt obliged to say yes to everything. The therapy consisted of working not only on the self-confidence, but also on the notion of refusal, which was difficult regarding her feelings of guilt. Gradually, she learnt to make her spouse face up to his financial responsibilities, and tell her parents that their money didn’t give them the right to manage her life; consequently, she was able to take back control of her life, embark on personal projects and see her obsessive-compulsive disorder disappear,” comments the psychotherapist. If depression is not an opportunity in itself, it can be the opportunity to cure us of our past and even to restart freer and more mature.

What if we saw depression as an opportunity? This question is not intended to provoke, the "disease of the century", as it is sometimes known, is undoubtedly a serious psychological ailment, affecting thousands each year. The good news is that specialists are coming up with new hypotheses to understand, warn about and cure the condition. Supported by more and more professionals, depression could be "positive" and an opportunity to learn how to live. The precursor of curing the illness lies in trying to understand it, Moussa Nabati, psychoanalyst, and Étienne Payen, doctor, list the steps below.

Stéphanie Torre

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