#1 Accept your body
“When you have problems accepting your body, it is necessary to engage the sense of touch, as skin receptors send messages of pleasure to the brain,” says Sophie Talhouarn, head of training at the Esthederm Institute in France. Her advice: “Relax in a hot bath and breathe well. Treat yourself to a full body scrub. Then moisturize your skin with long circular motions, starting from the feet and working upwards. Finally, curl up in a warm bathrobe or your cosiest pyjamas. “The key is to enjoy every moment, so be aware that it is more than the price of creams as it is the intention of the gesture that makes you feel womanly.
#2 Equip yourself with the right makeup skills
To avoid mistakes in the art of makeup, we look to, well, a makeup artist! Small perfumeries and department stores often offer free flash makeovers, along with valuable professional advice. Some brands (Shu Uemura, Armani...) offer private lessons for individuals or groups of girlfriends – go for it! And once the technique is mastered, trust your instincts. Do you like blue? Whatever the colour of your eyes, try it out! You will instinctively find the right shade and intensity to enhance your look. The greatest makeup artists have confirmed that listening to your gut feelings is the best way to look good, and thus feel good about yourself.
#3 Trace the origin of your understanding of femininity
“Am I feminine?” That question often haunts us whatever our age, when it really should not. Why, you ask? Because it shows how the idea of “femininity” in our eyes is usually a matter of preconditioned suppositions. In a study for Les Cahiers de l' Observatoire Nivea(1), Jamil Dakhlia, researcher in information science demonstrates that our criteria are often linked to the characteristics of people in the fashion industry.This means they are arbitrary... As for the psychological traits we associate with femininity (modesty, gentleness, faithfulness...), PhD student in sociology Marie Goyon(2) says it can not only “convert a society into another, but also a social class to another”. Conclusion: since it is polymorphic, scalable and particularly subjective, we should stop chasing this ideal of “femininity” and start inventing our own. “Feeling feminine is first get in touch with all your “selves” possible,” says psychologist Maryse Vaillant(3). Spiffy today, casual tomorrow… Live out all of your dimensions, contradictions, and be the woman that you wish to be.
1. Les Féminités (Femininities) (No. 12).
2. In Cahiers de l'Observatoire Nivea.
3. Author of “Au bonheur des grands-mères” (For the good mood of grandmothers) (Érès Editions).
#4 Dare to be passive
Active and efficient, we remain on the ball all the way till bedtime. Due to this, it sometimes happens that we apply the principle of efficiency to our lovemaking, and as a result drive our men insane. “Yet the bed remains a place where we should let ourselves go in the interests and desires of ourselves and our partners,” says psychotherapist Valérie Colin-Simard*.But this implies that the woman should accept being on the receiving end, allow ourselves to be overcome with a single look, to be touched, troubled, invaded without trying to be in control. Reconnecting with your femininity on an intimate level implies going back to your inner self, to forget about thinking and instead allowing your body to talk. “Honour the dominance and power of your partner by offering yourself as an object of pleasure, with no fear of losing yourself. Paradoxically, this requires a minimum level of belief in your own feminine strength...*Author of “Quand les femmes s’éveilleront” (When women awaken) (Albin Michel).
#5 Review your opinions
Embrace change, this is the secret of the successful, mature woman. So stop being so stubborn, and dare to change your mind. Just because you have been carrying around a Marc Jacobs clutch for the past decade that you need to stick with it. Ditto in the case of, for example, Botox ® in your later years – even if you swore you would never do it eight years ago, and that you would wear your wrinkles like a badge of honour, you are not obliged to keep your word. As the saying goes, “Only fools never change their minds.” Reviewing your opinions is to claim the freedom to be yourself, and thus successfully embrace the essence of femininity.
#6 Trust other women
Though it is, first and foremost, transmitted from the mother, it is clear that femininity is mostly learned. Learnt…from men? Not necessarily. Through the exchange of confidences, women form a large part of this influence. In her study on the construction of femininity in Tunisia, sociologist* Meryem Sellami also points out the importance of the institution of weekly talks amongst the Muslim women. Finding yourself is often based on recommendations from others on how to best develop. Are you one of those who believe all women are bitches though? Well, what if that idea is a male bias that is attempting to divide and conquer?*Winner of the Nivea / CNRS 2009 Observatory.
#7 Take matters into your hands
Exposed to all eyes, your hands reveal how you take care of yourself. Heal them, pamper them. Though they sometimes betray your age, they can also rejuvenate you. Hydrated, protected, no stains and nails done, you suddenly look ten years younger. And do not forget a little discipline is needed – consider, for example, wearing gloves to do the dishes. Take advantage of the time watching your favourite TV serials to massage your hands with a moisturizer. “Massage each finger in a circular motion between the thumb and forefinger,” advises Sophie Talhouarn. Apply a base on your nails to strengthen them. And if the heart so wishes, play with colours and designs of your polish for different effects.
#8 Stand by the falsies
Do you think that nature did you no favours? Cheat! Nail and hair extensions, padded bras, panties with butt padding, girdles and spanks... And do not hesitate to play with fragrances at different hours of the day. “Wearing perfume is never a completely innocent action on our part,” says Nathalie Feisthauer from Symrise prefumerie.
#9 Play with your height
Sashay down the street on long, slender legs, propped on shapely calves... “With nice shoes, we immediately gain a more feminine allure,” says Cristina Cordula*, image consultant. “Start small with low heels (1-2 inches) and work on your posture – stand straight, shoulders back, tummy tucked, with your head propped up by an invisible rope for a regal look. The trick: do not hesitate to walk fast – it makes you look more elegant and sure of yourself! For those who would like to try high heels (3-5 inches), pumps and platform shoes are excellent allies to last throughout the day.*Author of the “Guide du relooking” (Makeover Guide) (Larousse).
