Infidelity: 5 signs that should alert you

Infidelity: 5 Signs that should alert you

Fabienne Broucaret

22 Sep 2014

mis à jour le 4 May 2019 à 07:21

What are the signs that indicate that your husband is cheating on you or is about to do so? Here are some elements of the answer from M. Gary Neuman, psychotherapist, and marriage guidance counsellor.

1 - He spends a lot of time away from home.

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1 - He spends a lot of time away from home.
According to Mr.Neuman, many men declare that spending a lot of time away from home is the prelude to infidelity or the confirmation of an affair. What he would want to point out here is that all these men, before cheating on their wives, begin by staying away from the family home. If you see that your husband is not at home as often as usual, open your eyes and try to understand what is going on. Speak to him. Discover what the problem is and what entices him to stray from your home.
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Testimony
Paul, one of the men Mr.Neuman interviewed, told the psychotherapist that "he saw his mistress every evening before going back home. She lived nearby, so doing this was easy. On weekends, he went to see her on the way home from soccer. He also volunteered to go grocery shopping more often so he could stop at the mistress' house on the way home from there too, and he said that he enjoyed going to her place. His wife noticed nothing and ignored all signs of his infidelities."Paul admitted, "I felt like a thief. My wife didn’t worry about my absences because we had very different timetables. She didn’t like soccer and was satisfied that I went shopping." Paul wasn’t happy, and he regretted that his wife saw nothing. He thus invented other excuses to go far away from home. "In the end, it had become ridiculous. It was as if I wanted to get caught. I said that I was going to play golf, but I didn’t take my clubs. But nothing—she saw nothing."
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2 - You rarely make love.
Thirty-four percent of the men admitted that a decrease of sexual activity correlated to an imminent infidelity. When infidelity was already present, the percentage increased to forty-three percent. It is interesting to note that the decrease in sexual activity had already happened before the infidelity began and could therefore be a warning sign indicating imminent infidelity. Fifty-seven percent of unfaithful men continue to make love with their wife, even if it is once every two or three months.
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3 - He avoids you.
Paying attention to your husband is essential, even if you do so with small, seemingly unimportant gestures. If he doesn’t answer your phone calls or your texts, or if he spends less and less time with you, question yourself. Do not hesitate to send him messages such as "I love you" or "How is your day going?"
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4 - He criticizes you more than before.
"I become more and more critical towards her" is what twenty-eight percent of the husbands who get ready to cheat on their wife say. The percentage falls to nineteen percent when the infidelity has already happened.
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Testimony
Stephanie didn’t understand what happened to her husband. “He had always liked my cooking. My mother is Italian, and he adores Italian food. Then, one day, he told me that he had enough of always eating the same things and that he wanted a change. I cooked new dishes, and he seemed satisfied. He then began to say that I was too lavish. I’m the one who is in charge of the account management. Even if it was not justified, he always looked for something to reproach me about. He criticized the way I managed our savings, and we began to quarrel.”
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5 - He looks for confrontation.
Mr.Neuman states that "twenty percent of unfaithful husbands admit to quarrelling more often than before with their wife. The virulent criticisms and the frequent quarrels are obvious signs. If it happens within your relationship, it is highly possible that your spouse is seeing someone else."
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Additional warning signs
Additional warning signs of infidelity include the following: - Sudden changes in his schedule - Sudden flirtatious behavior - Suspicious use of his phone - "Material" signs such as traces of make-up or hair left on clothes - Appearance of "presents" that he claims are from his mother or his colleagues - A new name that often surfaces during your conversations - A small voice that tells you to listen to your instinct

Lipstick marks on a shirt collar, a phone no longer left lying around, sudden flirtatious behavior and so on. There are many revealing signs of infidelity, provided you are attentive to them. Gary Neuman, psychotherapist and marriage guidance counsellor, helps us understand what's going on in the head of a man. He decodes the signs that should alert us and shares some lessons to learn from for a long-lasting relationship.

Fabienne Broucaret

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