Dark Side: “I maintain secrets and romantic correspondences.”
Jeanne, 38, married with four children shares her story on coming to terms with her inner tendencies.
Jeanne, 38, married, four children
“My mother has never been structured; she takes everything lightly and I always suffered as a result. Very early, I swore to myself that I would be different. I made every effort to be as rigorous as my father: I followed a scientific career path, despite my passion for literature; and I married a rock-solid man. I have a good job as an engineer, polite children, appropriate friends that I cheer up because, in my extremely organised world, I am regarded as the crazy one. Nevertheless, I have my faults: I have romantic correspondences that give me a delicious excitement. Even while in high school, I wrote poems to a boy who never knew my identity. After I got married, I did it again with a friend, writing an almost erotic book. By giving free rein to my imagination, I delight in sounds, in words and double senses. I also play with my nerves and those of the poor man taken into my virtual tentacles, a prisoner of a relationship he considers passionate, but it is, in reality, only a pretext to quench my thirst for fantasy. Because I do not go farther, of course; I do not see my partners.
Recently, I fell under the spell of an Oriental man. We exchange hot, sexy e-mails… I trembled like a teenager, I lost my appetite, I had insomnia, which I channeled to construct chiseled and enigmatic sentences. It is out of the question to say anything about this to my husband, whom I love. But, all the same, I wanted to know whether I was crazy and went to see a psychologist. Ideally, I would prefer not to have this desire for virtual seduction, which I find rationally dismaying. These delicious 'candies' leave me with feelings of guilt. With this psychologist, I became aware that I didn’t have to eradicate my need for madness, but come to terms with it. It frightened me so much that I stopped. But the idea persists. I understood that, since my childhood, I had associated 'fancy' with 'irresponsible', admitted that the maternal genes lived within me and that I had to reconcile my opposite aspiration.”
Marie Le Marois
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