How to tame your dark side?
updated the 14 July 2015 à 18:31We all have a dark, shameful and hated side. Three women tell us about their dark side and how they managed to tame it.
“It is involuntary?” “I do not understand what happens to me?” “I do not recognise myself?” We all ask these questions in the face of uncontrolled behaviour or emotion. In these moments, we feel powerless, under the command of our dark side. It represents all that seems terrible, shameful, reprehensible to us, and that we have repressed since childhood. But, there is no need to feel guilty. “There is no light without shade and no complete psyche without imperfection,” underlined the psychoanalyst Carl Gustave Jung. But the dark side frightens us; we prefer to deny it by hoping for its definitive disappearance. However, if we do not recognise it, our dark side gains strength. It negatively influences our personality and mood and makes us and/or our relationships suffer. The solution to fighting our inner demons is to accept them as part of our being and perceive them as hidden wealth. Lise Bartoli, psychologist clinician, psychotherapist and hypnotherapist, advocates this and provides us with some explanations below.
WHAT IS A DARK SIDE?
We hate and fear being rejected. Mostly, the dark side does not prevent us from living normally, but some parts grow out of repression and are ready to jump up and be recognised. These hidden facets are not necessarily dark, they can also be muted talents. For example, take an imaginative child whose father repeats, “Stop daydreaming, I hate slow people.” This boy will always be competing for his father’s love. In adulthood, he will immortalise this model by rejecting his muse.
WHAT IS IT BUILT UPON?
Often on emotional weakness, however tiny: shame, anger, aggression, sadness or abandonment. It is an unconscious defence mechanism, an essential compensatory function. In the long run, the dark side can transform into painful psychological tension. We let it backfire on us or we turn it towards others who become ‘our pet peeve.’
WHY DO WE HAVE TO ACCEPT OUR DARK SIDE?
As long as we ignore it, it influences our life and makes us suffer. But, painful as it is, this dark side is a hidden treasure. It has messages to transmit to us: elements connected to our lives, personal information, family secrets, buried memories, repressed desires. By following this path, we open new doors to the light and subdue the dark side.
HOW TO IDENTIFY IT?
By using a secret language to speak to our unconscious. To achieve this, I produced cards to arouse unconscious associations and so, to visualise our hidden facets, accept and transform them into positive energy. It’s not essential to find the causes of our dark side, they are sometimes too buried or come from extended family connections. But, even when they remain unknown, it is vital to be guided by the unconscious; to trust it and allow the time to transmit all the elements, then believe in our resources to turn it into a positive energy.
Marie Le Marois
Read more:
Dark Side: “Anger is an integral part of my identity”
Dark Side: “I maintain secrets and romantic correspondences.”
