Infidelity: Understand why it happened to overcome adultery
To move forward, you have to understand why it happened, and you especially have to adopt a more positive behaviour.
Breathe. The emotional hurricane and the tsunami of the first few days have passed and you survived. From now on, you are observing each other with a doubtful eye - "What are we going to do?", "We shouldn't live like before, because we know where it all leads." The essential point is to decide to commit in a calm manner, even if you have many negative feelings, notes the psychiatrist and psychotherapist. Start over. Whether you are going to manage to be together again is not a certainty, but nonetheless it creates at least a favourable state of mind. Even if at the beginning, you are not completely convinced about the situation, it is only with positive and open mindset will you know if a new start is possible.
First step: You have to communicate to understand why it happened. A clarification is imperative, for the unfaithful as for her / his partner: Why did this happen? What caused this extramarital relation? Was it an accident, a faux pas? Did it happen because of fortuitous circumstances (a little boredom, excitement and curiosity during an alcoholic evening or alone abroad, for example)? Maybe the infidelity was a manner of taking revenge, to have fun, or even to provoke the other one with the hope of rekindling the flame and so on. In other cases, having an affair aims at looking for a solution to a relational or personal problem. Such as when we wonder if we are still in love; when we try to compensate for a sexual dissatisfaction or for a lack of gratitude; when we need to get out of the routine, the life events and so on. Whatever your history, knowing the reasons behind the infidelity can help you understand the real origin of the problem. Take time to speak and to hear each other out. This will enable you to establish a stronger relationship while at the same time remove any fragility in the bond.
Stephanie Torre
Read more on our 'Infidelity' report:
Infidelity: Rebuild the desire after adultery
Infidelity: Forgive to overcome adultery
Infidelity: Resume everyday life to save the relationship
Infidelity: Be attentive to your relationship
Infidelity: Restore confidence in your relationship
Infidelity: Know how to re-establish communication to overcome adultery
