Cinderella vs 50 Shades of Grey: Whatever happened to ‘real’ love?

Last weekend I had my fair share of ‘romance’. Sadly not in in the flesh – by say going on a date – but by opting to watch two very different interpretations of love, namely Fifty Shades of Grey and Cinderella, with a bucket of butter popcorn for company.

Worlds apart as they may seem – and technically they are – however, both films essentially portrayed the same unrealistic and unattainable notion of love which only helped add to the confusion on the topic.

It had me wondering, between Mr Grey’s ‘I don’t do romance’ and Prince Charming’s incomprehensible love at first sight, where does real love lie?

And it seems I’m not the only one wondering about the essence of love. Last year, Google announced that in the question category, ‘What is love?’ topped the charts for the 3rd year running. Ironically, what was once thought to be one of the simplest and most honest of emotions seems to have become much more complicated to identify and evaluate as we progress in other areas in life.

Now I’m no expert on the topic, but I’ve been through enough up and downs in the love department to have some grounded perspective on the matter and perhaps be more wary of such a portrayals’ effects on young girls in particular. While as a young girl myself, I was obsessed with fairytales and believed in magic and happy endings even way longer than most of my peers (yup, call me a hopeless romantic), I have since come to realise that real life is far more complicated than that. Although I learned my lesson after I fell hard, on hindsight, I also wish  that I had been better prepared and fed real life scenarios than those portrayed in the simplistic movies I so loved watching.

While reading Cinderella at the age of seven made me dream of my own Prince Charming and believe that love conquers all and that indeed love at first sight can be possible… watching it 25 years later gave me other and much more cynical thoughts. Mainly, it made me question: how long are they going to last? Will the spark they had at the beginning stand the harsh reality of marriage, having children and growing old? What about their different backgrounds? And most importantly, are simplistic fairytales teaching young girls a wrong concept of partnership and relationships, giving them unrealistic expectations and hence causing more painful breakups over misplaced priorities?

On the other hand, we have Anastasia and Mr. Grey who have taken romance to the next level. I admit, I haven’t read the books (nor would I be willing to, judging by how bored I was watching the movie), but the concept of two people defining love solely on physical – and sexual –attraction is questionable too. Lust, maybe. Desire, probably. But assuming you have fallen for someone whom you obviously have nothing in common with (not even his fondness for spanking) is equally unhealthy as the Prince’s obsession with Cinderella after their 5-minute encounter.

I understand that movies and fairytales are there to entertain rather than to educate us about running our lives, however I believe that when it comes to matters of the heart, it sometimes does more harm than good. After all, youngsters as well as adults are spending much more time feeding on the entertainment industry’s definition than discussing such topics with friends and family.

While Disney’s latest Cinderella movie stuck to its initial simplistic plot – but superficially modernised it by adding the whole ‘Be Kind and Be Brave‘ statement – there are far better examples which they have created for young girls since their 1950’s Cinderella. Case in point is Mulan, Brave’s Merida and Frozen’s Elsa and her sister Anna who does fall in love at first sight only to realize the mistake and reality of things. Even Little Mermaid had to give up her voice for love – some kind of compromise I guess.

Fairytales aside, some modern films have also tackled romance and love in a far better way. I won’t get into the naming game as the list will go on and on, but one thing is for sure, neither waiting for love to sweep you off your feet from the get-go, nor seeking it by allowing someone to ‘abuse’ you in the name of love and passion is a realistic or healthy depiction.

So… what is real love and where should we settle our expectations?

While googling the matter might get you a few answers, here’s my two cents on the topic:  believing that we deserve happiness and striving for it, whether with someone or alone, can definitely give us a better perspective and a solid base to build ourselves on and as a result attract the right match. A quote I always believed summed up a more realistic love situation is that from Stephen Chbosky’s beautiful novel The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and it says “We accept the love we think we deserve.”

So if you are planning to indulge in some innocent romance a la Cinderella or a raunchy ride with Fifty Shades of Grey, I suggest you change your plans. Watching the 2013 excellent adaptation of The Perks of Being a Wallflower from the comfort of your sofa would be a much better alternative. You can thank me later!

Rana Wehbe