According to Psychology: 5 Healthy, science-backed ways to deal with heartbreak
updated the 11 June 2018 à 13:18Make the right choices when it comes to getting over heartbreak.
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With the exception of having to experience the death of a loved one, heartbreak might be one of the most painful psychological experience anyone has to go through. You can’t sleep, you can’t eat, and all you want to do is to cry and somehow see that person one more time to fix things. In fact, MRI studies have proven that heartbreak activates the exact same triggers in the brain that start is activated when addicts are withdrawing from Class A drugs like cocaine and opioids!
And while it is tempting to engage in rather reckless, spontaneous activities while you are in pain, it is very important that you make sure your health (both physical and mental) come first, no matter what. These are 5 healthy, science-backed ways to move on from heartbreak!
Burn all social media bridges
According to research done by Psychology Today, the more frequently you contact an ex, the less satisfied you will be with your current or future relationships. This is because greater longing for an ex is associated with decreases in satisfaction with your current partner over time, and decreases in satisfaction over time are associated with increases in longing for an ex.
Social media is a double-edged sword – you get to brag about your “bae” and be #couplegoals when you’re happily together with your S/O, but everything backfires when things end and you’re awkwardly left with a bunch of photos and posts that you never want to look at again. At the same time, it can also be tempting to post passive aggressive quotes or photos of you looking cozy with your Tinder date right after your heartbreak. But as long as you’re doing that, no matter how hot or happy you look, you’re never going to get over your heartbreak. So take that phone and delete everything… photos, his number, that sappy Spotify playlist, everything that connects you and him. It’s not as bad as everybody says it is. After all, if you end up becoming friends with him again somewhere down the line, all you need to do is add him again.
Eat well and exercise
Heartbreak affects not only your mind and mental health, but physical health as well, and in turn, your physical health also greatly affects your mental health. It might be tempting to surround yourself with junk food while you cry on your bed, or alternatively, eat nothing at all, but that just hurts you, your body, and your mind.
We all know that we often feel refreshed after we work out because our brain releases special “happiness” chemicals called endorphins. And after a heartbreak, you need endorphins to cheer you up naturally more than ever. Moreover, exercise will get you out of the house, keep you engaged, and may even bring about new opportunities and people in your life. As for eating clean, try to stay balanced. Don’t try to do anything too extreme like suddenly go on a 30-day juice cleanse or eat greasy takeout food every day. Go eat out at all the restaurants and bars he didn’t want to go to, but also make sure that you’re staying nutritious and healthy by experimenting in the kitchen a little bit! Don’t forget…you are what you eat!
Reach out to friends and family
You need a strong support system now more than ever. According to psychology coaches, connection and support through friends, family, and therapy are all extremely beneficial for healthy healing, and simply being around other people helps with your mental health. You might be afraid (or even a little guilty) about reaching out to the friends you had abandoned while you were in your relationship, but if they truly are your friends, they will welcome you back with open arms. Clearly articulating about your heartbreak will not only help you come to terms with what happened, but opening up a conversation about it will invite different, invaluable perspectives from your loved ones (“I think you could have done this better…” “I think you should move on like this…”) Try to avoid making the conversations an echo chamber of negativity though, and once you’ve talked everything through, move on to a next (hopefully happier!) topic.
Cry, rage, laugh… just feel your emotions as they come
Crying after a breakup sucks, even though we all do it. But surprise surprise! Crying actually leads to more positive feelings afterwards, as it stimulates our parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) and lets us relax and recover. Crying is also thought to trigger the release of natural opioids like oxytocin and endogenous opioids (similar to when we exercise!).
So don’t try to act tough and pretend that you’re ok (save that for when you run into him unexpectedly). If you’re sad, cry. Even though you might feel pathetic while you’re sobbing over a carton of ice cream, it will shorten your misery in the long run. Eventually your erratic mood swings will begin to stabilize and that’s when you’ll know…you’re over him.
Think of it this way: you don’t pretend to be okay and hold in a sneeze when you have the flu, right? Our mental health should be treated the same as our physical health; don’t be afraid to let go.
Lastly, focus on yourself and yourself only
What matters now is how you are doing and how you are trying to get better every single day. As much as it seems like it, getting over a breakup is NOT a competition. Sure, he might be going clubbing every night or might even be in a new relationship weeks after your breakup. But none of that matters to you anymore. A heartbreak is actually a great opportunity to start focusing on yourself and how you can become a better person. Whether it be through meditation, psychological counseling, or just staring off into space, contemplate about yourself and make your life and what you do about all about you!
Kanako Sugawara
Photo: Getty Images
