Survival Guide: How to survive Christmas?

Survival Guide: How to get through Christmas with the family?

Fabienne Broucaret

22 Dec 2014

updated the 6 October 2015 à 23:34

1/5
Christmas: a source of anxiety
"Since October, the majority of my patients will start talking about year-end holidays and family tension that accompany them. It is an undeniable source of anxiety. They often wonder whether to go to their father or mother's place, what gifts to offer, etc. Christmas can also cause great disappointment when there is a gap between the ideal family, expected and real. More expectations will be the cause for more disappointments too."
2/5
No settling of past feuds
"This festival tends to be rather regressive in nature. We may have turned 50 but we are still left with the same suffering and quarrels from 10 years ago. We expect our father or our mother to provide the same recognition as before. The ideal family that you might have dreamed of having is only facing the same problems as when you were younger.
It's better not to settle any feuds during the holiday, especially with family. It is better to settle accounts before or after - you're not going to fix everything in one evening! So it does no good to come out with the same old song, to complain or to assume the role of the victim. During meal times, avoid painful subjects, and focus on positive issues. To do this, look at Christmas through the eyes of the children. It's refreshing."
3/5
Prepare yourself
"Try to spend the couple of days you have left before Christmas to organize yourself better. If you're the host, pay special attention to the seating plan. Sometimes some people need to stay away from each other for dinner to be a pleasant time. If you always seem to do more than others on gifts, think carefully about what you offer this time. Ideally, also enjoy this special time to try to understand what is at stake and to work on this evil that may invade us at family gatherings. Try by being clear about what you feel or will feel - do not fool yourselves, this is a first step towards acceptance. Finally, it's a mature move to discuss in advance ,with the people involved in the spirit of mediation and rallying. It's not easy, but it is essential."
4/5
Turn it into a game
"On the day of Christmas Eve, come with a whole sense of humour! Have fun throughout the entire time and your aunt will have no leeway to criticize the meal neither will your stepmother make remarks about your children. We must succeed in taking a step back from the situation and not expect the entire thing to change. To slide, to distance - that's how we grow and become adults. And remember that the pressure that we take to make everything nice and calm often has the opposite effect."
5/5
Invent new traditions
"For more mixed and blended familes, Christmas gives rise to an intense marathon of celebrations. They are very creative and invent new rituals before and after Christmas. Each family structure can be reconstituted around a few different cores."

Beyond the gifts and wreaths, the festive gathering may sometimes turn into a nightmare. Philosopher and psychotherapist, Nicole Prieur, explains how to escape possible tension this Christmas.

Every year when Christmas comes along and after the gifts have been sorted, the only question that remains is, where or with whom to spend this joyous occasion. Some may prefer to spend Christmas with their immediate families as opposed to with their in-laws – describing it as an unbearable time.

“It seems logical that a majority of people want to spend Christmas Eve with their immediate families, especially in this time of year. While Christmas may have lost its religious connotation, it still remains as the ultimate family celebration. This time of year is full of symbols and a mythical dimension. People want to strengthen ties, to find a cocoon and strengthen their sense of belonging to a clan,” said Nicole Prieur, author of Little Settling family

So if, unfortunately, you have to spend Christmas with family members you’re not particularly in awe of, then at least take a few precautionary steps to avoid conflicts and tension. As noted by Nicole Prieur in the slideshow above, it is important to step back, to inject a bit of humour and most importantly do not settle any old feuds at the dinner table. Otherwise, it’s not just the log that will be difficult to digest …

Fabienne BROUCARET

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Survival Guide: How to get through Christmas with the family?

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