How to feel self-confident in a swimsuit?
updated the 14 July 2015 à 18:35We have already spent hours in the fitting room trying to choose one. All that’s left is for it to be worn on the beach… But the first swimsuit test has to be overcome…in your own mind.
And this includes those with problematic measurements, an “irreproachable” priori, the ones who are wearing their curves built up over the course of the year. It is incredible that such a small piece of cloth crystallizes so much anguish…
It is because this act is not trivial, notes Alexandra Choukroun, clinical psychologist, psychotherapist and author of an essay on our narcissistic failures1. “In a swimsuit, we can no longer cheat with clothes that hide and protect. On the beach, we see it as it is. And most importantly, we share with others the idea we have of ourselves.” As such, naked or dressed, “the body is this image,” says her partner psychiatrist Francis Hofstein2.
And this image is rarely satisfactory… Especially since we have stored a few pounds, or neglected our yoga and Pilates courses at the start of the year. “The cult of perfection, with its retouched photos of models, setting its unrealistic standards and guilt-based interventions (“lose weight, get in shape before the summer”) makes things worse,” says Alexandra Choukroun.
This is especially when it comes to the complexes of women, who, more than men, have the tendency to look at themselves in a fragmented manner: too-small breasts, too-big thighs, too-white skin, stretch marks, varicose veins… Focusing on these “blind spots”, it is difficult to imagine how others look at us as a whole person in reality…and much less that men see us smaller than we think we are…
The awakening of the senses:
Nevertheless, on the beach, the sea, sun, wind and sand caress and envelop the body. It is an awakening of the senses that encourages a lightness, letting go… These elements, especially the water, make us unconsciously slip back to the intrauterine state in the womb, and resonate with the kind and caring words of childhood and adolescence, determinants of a good image and acceptance of the self.
And when this has not been the case, these body parts deemed imperfect can become the receptacle of a narcissistic failure or a self-devaluation. Imperfection sometimes has a strong symbolic significance, says Alexandra Choukroun: “Some women, prevented from expressing their femininity during adolescence by their mothers, struggle to love their breast size. The legacy of a too strict upbringing, education or culture, where nudity is seen as a taboo, may also increase the embarrassment of exposing themselves.”
Tanned, we feel protected:
Without going so far as dysmorphic disorder (an irrational and obsessive fear of being deformed), these complexes that could ruin our meetings with the beach also fluctuate according to “significant” events – a tattoo from adolescence that we now hate the look of, breasts getting saggy after pregnancy, a breakup… and now, with weakened capacity of seduction, we focus on our bulges.
However, after a few days, most of us let go of our armour – that sarong, t-shirt or bikini top – more easily, removing it then surpasses our “internal resistance” observes sociologist Jean-Claude Kaufmann, author of a sociological study of going topless3 . And the next best protection – apart from sunblock – to avert our anxieties? Tanning! “It acts as a uniform and protective veil on the skin”, observes Alexandra Choukroun. The opportunity to overcome your seaside complexes, provided you free yourself from the eyes. Starting with the most severe… your own!
Be lenient with yourself:
To feel good in a swimsuit, it is also more worth it to, above all, stop thinking only of yourself. “At the beach, everyone is in the same boat,” says the psychologist. “And the eyes of others are often much more generous and benevolent than we think. Letting your anxieties go is to accept yourself with all your history and your brands. “Investing in a nice suit – and that gorgeous beach throw that goes with it – can also be a positive first step towards positive reinforcement regarding your body. “Offering yourself this gift is to regard yourself highly enough to do yourself some good.”
Next, we must cultivate the practice of indulging in ourselves; eliminate the negative thoughts that parasite us. “When we no longer love ourselves, it is difficult to take care of ourselves. Many women who do not dare to show themselves or even go to the beach, neglect themselves when it comes to food and how they look (varicose veins, stretch marks…). Learning to love your body and take care of yourself is to consider your own body as a “friend”.” And finally, allow yourself to give your skin a taste of liberty closer to the epidermal sensations it deserves.
1. Je ne m’aime pas, un peu, beaucoup, à la folie (L’Archipel). (I do not like, love myself, madness)
2. Author of L’Amour du corps (The love of the body) (Odile Jacob).
3. Corps de femmes, regards d’hommes (The body of women, the gaze of man) (Pocket)
Isabelle Soing
To continue reading the report “Getting ready for swimsuit season”:
