10 Tips to talking about yourself well

Fabienne Broucaret 01 Jan 2015 updated the 6 October 2015 à 23:34

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1. Caring about the other
“Appropriately talking about yourself involves first adapting to your interlocutor, and then knowing how to listen, such that the conversation becomes like a dance,” says Patricia Delahaie, psychologist and life coach, author of How to have good meetings, from first sight to everlasting love. “During a romantic date, it is better to be model yourself on the other persons’ behaviour, so that you do not say too much or too little. Communicate on the same wavelength. If you delve into your private life too quickly, you risk making the other person feel awkward, and also feeling so yourself if he is indifferent or does not respond in equal measures of confidence.”
So first and foremost, be empathetic and always keep in mind the purpose of your exchange. “The idea is to tell them something about yourself that makes them want to continue the dialogue, to see you again or to hire you,” states founder of consulting firm, Yves Mayor Poset. When I ask people to talk about their profession, too often I see people forget about me and launch in a convoluted discourse with incomprehensible jargon about themselves."
What not to do: Repeat the same pitch about yourself to everyone.
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2. Being aware of your hold-ups
Presenting yourself is a difficult exercise. For some, it is a downright challenge. What challenges do you face? Is it shyness? Or fear? Being aware of it is already half the battle won.
"Talking about yourself requires effort, especially in successfully overcoming your shyness and vulnerability,” admits Fanny Auger, director of The School of Life in Paris. “We must be brave and get out of our comfort zones. Talking about yourself is a risk. But it is a risk worth taking."
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3. Be clear with yourself
Getting to know yourself takes time. “It's something that has to come to a slow boil,” summarizes Fadhila Brahimi, coach and co-author picture of Me 2.0, Become the Contractor of your Life through Personal Branding (Leduc.S). “It is also necessary to do this at different points of your life because, obviously, you evolve."
According to Yves Mayor, being introspective before a job interview is essential. In his book, 2 Minutes to Make a Good Impression, he offers 12 exercises to get to know yourself better – discover your career goals, list your interests, figure out your motivations, question your dream job, etc. The idea is to take a few days to take stock of these things.
Taking time for self-examination is also fundamental to speaking about yourself well in a more personal setting. Here are some questions to think about:
- When are you most happy?
- When do you say, “That's totally me!”?
- What do you talk about with enthusiasm?
- What are your little quirks that make your friends laugh?
These are just some starting points in identifying what things you can bring up about yourself to cause a spark. Do not hesitate to question the people in your life, or to do an MBTI test (a work-based personality test) to find out.
Exercise: “What are you doing in life?” Fanny Auger asked this banal question in the course of a conversation. The idea? Try to find three responses that define yourself at this moment without reducing yourself to your profession.
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4. Awaken your pride
What accomplishments are you most proud of? “This is a question I often ask because it says a lot about their skills,” explains Yves Mayor. It's a lively way to allow the other to take a trip down memory lane on this adventure, especially in their successes."
What not to do: Denigrate or devalue yourself.
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5. Cultivate your individuality
The thing that will make your conversation an interesting one is your uniqueness, the fact that you are different from everyone else. To define it, think about the events that you have been through, people in your life who changed it , the goals that you have in life, the ideal self you are trying to achieve, the qualities prove your skills and experience, etc.
What not to do: Trying to be original at all costs. For Fadhila Brahimi, “it is the icing on the cake” (rather than the actual cake). So don’t do things like forcing yourself to be funny when it isn’t in your nature!
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6. Keep it simple
Your interviewers are so used to being drowned in fluffy speeches they will be grateful that you keep it as clear as possible: places, numbers, objects... To talk about your strengths rather than listing your qualifications, Cecile Mellac, founder of Winentretien firm advises in her book How to Speak Convincingly About Yourself, advises to evoke "a context, behaviour and a result." For example, you want the person you perceive as “determined”? Give two or three examples of situations in which you have shown this quality, describe what you have done and present the results. In addition to building credibility, these stories allow you to hold the attention of your audience. While "I love to travel" would go unnoticed, people would say, "Oh, that's the girl who spent six months in Argentina!"
Exercise: Identify three important qualities for the job you want, and then state the professional, personal or associative experiences that you have which support them.
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7. Short and sweet
Your presentation, be it a job interview or a private meeting, should not to exceed two minutes. For this, Yves Mayor recommends seven steps to consider depending on the time you have:
- Your "hat". It is a small synthetic sentence that will allow you to start displaying the person you are.
- Your journey. Come back in two or three points of your career in a chronological sense.
- Your areas of expertise. Remember to give examples.
- Your initial training. Do not start by talking about your degrees, because it is not a determining factor, especially if your career is already well established. What distinguishes you more is what you have accomplished.
- Your Project. We leave the past to turn to the future.
- Some things about you in day to day life. Only if you wish though, because talking about personal life is by no means a requirement.
- Turn the table. “Do you have questions?” “Do you want me to revisit any points?” etc.
Exercise: If a stranger happens to cross your path and you stop to chat, what would you like them to remember about you?
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8. Knowing how to choose…
...to be consistent. "In an interview, if you talk about a voluntary commitment, you must back it up, says Fadhila Brahimi. When it comes to your passions, ask yourself the question: is this something I want to highlight? Why? How will this serve me? We should not get confused by this.”
...to leave a little mystery. When it comes to romantic or friendly dates, do not say too much right at the get-go. We must be able to create a little intrigue, even (and especially) during the first meetings.
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9. Adopting a winning morale
Do you lack confidence? Try power posing. The idea is simple: before meeting your interviewer, stand upright, arms raised to the sky forming the V for victory.
Variations: still standing, one hand on each hip (position called Wonder Woman) and hands behind head, like a cigar smoker. These actions give you the morale of champions. Alternatively, explore and get into any position that makes you feel assertive and confident. You know best what you have to do!
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10. Me, Version 2.0
As mentioned by Cecile Mellac in How to Speak Convincingly About Yourself, “the first reflex to adopt is to ask to whom one wishes to address. This is THE question.”
In interviews, here is her advice:
1) Find a title that characterizes you. Do not stay in the dark.
2) Differentiate yourself with a short presentation.
3) Enhance your presentation with evidence. This includes your resume!
4) Think about the keywords that are able to gauge your worth.
On a dating site:
"Do not give away overly personal anecdotes. Try instead to create an echo that the person reading your profile will recognize you by and can be included in your universe,” advises Patricia Delahaie. “Do not say, for example, you love to spend time with your parents (that is excluding, and it can be scary), but instead mention that you have a strong sense of maintaining relationships with your family.”

During dinner parties or at work, it’s difficult to escape the famous “What do you do in life?” and the typical “tell me about yourself.” How do we respond? Which faux pas should we avoid?

Talking about yourself can be a source of pleasure that’s equivalent to sex or food, according to a study conducted by Harvard University researchers in 2012. According to them, this irresistible urge to talk about ourselves has a neurobiological origin. By scanning the brains of participants who spoke about themselves, they observed an increase in the activity of the mesolimbic system, an area known to be activated during sex. So when a person speaks of themselves, this part of the brain releases dopamine, a chemical associated with feelings of pleasure and anticipation of a reward. The success of social networks is not a result of chance…

Find out what the experts have to say when talking about yourself during professional or personal meetings in the slideshow above.

Fabienne BROUCARET

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10 Tips to talking about yourself well

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