9 Ways to boost your confidence and love yourself

1. Create an imaginary lover:

“Imagine a man who fills you with enveloping, reassuring love and warmth,” proposes psychoanalyst Marie-Laure Colonna*. Then devote the time you are getting ready to imagining you are getting prettied up for him. Finally, do not go out alone, but with him…” You then find yurself in a state of mind in which you will be sensitive to others. At the restaurant, you could see that the servers are quick … A good sign.

* Author of The Adventure of the couple today (Dervy).

2. Appreciate your differences:

As little girls, we learned to handle being different from our mothers and to distance ourselves from her thanks to our comfort blanket and other transitional objects. It is this otherness that has to be rediscovered and embraced. Your nose, your clumsiness, your gravelly voice… You have faults that belong to you, and only to you. “Rather than tracing out an unattainable model to live up to, cultivate the things that are original and specific to you,” advises the analyst Martine Teillac*. Accepting your differences not only gives you permission to be yourself, but also allows you to develop what characterizes you the best. The freedom to think, to act and to be unique comes from this awareness of the distance that separates us from each other, which we must fulfil if we wish to come to terms with ourselves. This cult of difference opens our minds and makes us leave behind the bad narcissism that forces us to meet people just like us, and never stray out of our comfort zones.

*Author of Loving to love others (First Editions).

 

3. Say thank you:

If graciousness helps us reconcile with ourselves, “it consists of first learning to be generous with ourselves,” says John Dalla Costa*, founder of the Centre for Ethics Orientation in Toronto, Canada. It is not to encourage yourself to give more, but prepare yourself to fully receive all that is offered. It is a process of immersion in the generosity, and not an exercise in self-control. Gratitude is our response to the person who gave us something. This “thank you” opens our heart and that of the other. And each time, it invites us to contemplate the goodness that sometimes escapes the way we look at everyday life, and ourselves.”

*Co-author of The Art of graciousness (Le Jour).

4. Adopt a cat:

Our pets are great therapists, since they wish unconditional love upon us, proof that we are actually nice people! Of the many breeds and species, the Korat cat (from Thailand), with its grey fur and intense green eyes, is a champion. “They are so sociable and give so much love that I let them get involved in my work,” says psychotherapist Claude Imbert. I have two of them who welcome my patients and create a loving bond with them. They give their little head for a tickle and offer their bellies for a scratch, just like little dogs. They help vulnerable people to find and sometimes come to terms with themselves.”

5. Rediscover your motherhood:

How do we love ourselves when our mother did not pamper, or failed to understand us? “By connecting with all the love she gave us when we were embryos, with no importance given the dangers which threatened us,” says Dr. Claude Imbert. “Throughout pregnancy, our mothers protected our immune systems by covering us in antibodies. She prevented uterine contractions in manufacturing progesterone. She gave us a soft and comfortable nest imbibed with oestrogen, flooded us with health and wellness secreted via more endorphins and provided the energy for our growth by increasing blood glucose. And even if we were born naturally or via C-sections, our birth is proof that there was a maternal desire beyond appearances, on another level of consciousness, deeper. Discover the existence of this secret maternal instinct, benefactress, and reconcile deeply with yourself to incite that desire to take care of your own body. ”

6. Tell yourself “I love you”: 

Those soft whispers leave their mark on us. The logic behind it – “we are composed of 60% water and it is responsible for our thoughts,” says psychotherapist Claude Imbert¹, a scholar on the works of Masaru Emoto². In the 1990s, the Japanese researcher studied the memory skills of water by subjecting samples to various influences – classical or rock, feelings of love or hate… Once frozen, their crystals were submitted to the microscope, and the result showed that those subjected to more positivity had more waves, and the crystals were more beautiful. Hence the conclusion that if we just improve our thoughts, each of our cells can then transcend itself, and eventually become a rare gem.

1 Author of Make your own psychotherapy, find the love of self (VH Publishing). 2 Author of Hidden Water (Guy Trédaniel Editions) messages.

7. Wake up to the signs:

A book title that calls out to us, a random piece of paper found in the street, our GPS that says “Make the first U-turn possible”, a slogan, a poster… the world speaks to us. “These messages are all riddles that the universe offers us to decode, in order to send us specific signs,” explains Claude Imbert. “When we are connected to the elements that surround us, these messages reflect a part of ourselves that do not communicate with our consciousness. Letting ourselves be inspired by the signs around us makes us feel guided, and gives us confidence in ourselves. ”

8. Become a work of art: 

You are Milo’s Venus, arms restored. “In your way, you are the manifestation of beauty, and you deserve to give yourself a budget to make yourself feel good, and be even more radiant. So work on the intention to put effort into your beauty routines,” says Claude Imbert. If you lovingly spread on your wrinkle cream, by focusing on the essential nutrients that will smooth your skin, it will be worth more than any Beluga caviar mask you may purchase. And when you are shopping, do not just be content to have dug up sandals that fit your feet. “Think again about your intention,” advises the psychotherapist. “And don’t purchase it until you feel and realise how this shoe, perfume, or piece of jewellery is a manifestation of your inner beauty and resonates with your inner being.”

9.   Laugh at yourself:
Psychoanalytically speaking, the fear of not being loved/ not being loved anymore is a classic symptom of hysterical neurosis. But don’t panic! If this diagnosis bodes a melancholy of the soul, it also predisposes to “interesting qualities, such as a fertile imagination,” says Dominique Drillon*, president of the Institute of Psychoanalysis and Management. And that’s not all – according to the therapist Betty Saussale – the funniest of the bunch, that’s you again! A light sense of anxiety and guilt would indeed be a major asset to practice derision. “To survive psychologically, the chronically anxious are often forced to face their inner demons in a humorous way. Hence the charm of Woody Allen…,” she says. So go on, band of jesters, cheer yourselves up!

* Author of The Happiness of being neurotic (Archipelago).

Laurence Cochet