Relationships: How to handle being a couple?

Lindsay POUI-DI 26 Jan 2015 updated the 6 October 2015 à 23:22

1/8
Punctuality
“I have a mania. When we go out, I say: ‘I am ready, let’s go!’. But before, I take a good five minutes searching for my keys, my mobile phone, my hat, and so on. Guess who waits at the entrance? My husband; livid and running out of patience. So, I managed to get ready before saying it and, I admit, it changed the atmosphere in the car.” Maylis, 54 years old.
“I hate delays, but my husband accumulates them. ‘15 minutes… 10 minutes… 5 minutes!’ How many times did I harass him with aggressive countdowns? I could write a book on his passive resistance. One day, I notified him, exasperated, that I was leaving by car at 12:30 a.m. sharp and that he could join me at our friend’s by motorcycle. At 12:29 am, he was waiting for me at the entrance. Since then, nine times out of ten, he hurries up to leave with me.” Muriel, 45 years old.
2/8
Sharing
“I love to have the last word, it is my thing. This explains the endless discussions with my husband, particularly when I am wrong. Till evening when we saw on TV, the confession of an old gentleman who revealed the secret of a peaceful relationship: ‘When my wife gets carried away, I answer her: Yes, darling!’ Since then, when the tone rises, my husband say to me with a wink, ‘Yes, darling’. Instead of provoking a reaction, it actually calms me down.” Anne, 39 years old.
“My husband and I had difficulty agreeing about our holidays. He wanted to climb mountains, and I wanted to be at the beach; he wanted pancakes, I wanted a steak; and, if I turned up the heat in the car, he opened his window. In brief, everything was a pretext to friction. One morning, during a week-long trip, he had this great idea: ‘Today, you are in charge!’ The next day, it was his turn. This allowed us to fully enjoy our week.” Béatrice, 37 years old.
3/8
Household
“There is proof of love that my husband doesn’t get bored when he returns from a business trip; I welcome him in a clean apartment, like a perfect homemaker. But I work, like him, so it requires a lot of effort. But I do it, even if, sometimes, I just do the main part, hide the pile of sheets to ironed and light some candles to create a nice atmosphere. It is such a pleasure to see him happy!” Géraldine, 48 years old.
4/8
Good mood
“You are late!” “As usual, you don’t listen to me.” I am this vociferous harridan.
And it is horrible because I married an adorable man, with whom I live the life I like. Then, one Sunday over coffee, I promised to spend fifteen minutes telling him all the good I thought about him and that he didn’t have the right to interrupt me. I declared to him: ‘You are the rock on which I took root. Without you, I wouldn’t be the strong woman who I am. You stabilize me in all.’ Our love had become jaded by everyday life and needed refreshing. This must be done over and over again”. Catherine, 50 years old.
“My husband, who lived for a long time with a grouch, doesn’t tolerate complaining. As a result, there is no way for me to complain: ‘We never go to restaurants!’ So, I find other approaches. For example, I amuse him by announcing: ‘That’s it, I am ready. We can go out for dinner!’ He is flabbergasted, but it works. If he is jealous of another man, I have the perfect response: ‘Don’t tell me that. YOU, are with a woman nobody would want’. Last month, I needed some help from the dentist. Thus, instead of moaning, I told him that I had dreamed that the small mouse offered me an inlay. and I found a cheque under my pillow and these delicious words: ‘A dentistry crown for the princess.” Marie, 55 years old.
“Hopeless, the man in my life told me one day that I smiled more with others than with him. This is because, with them, I am putting on a show, while between us… Well, nevertheless, I decided to make an effort and when we wake up in the morning I present him with a beaming smile. He is happy and I admit that I am too. The smile is a part of these details that change everything.” Dominique, 39 years old.
5/8
Courtesy
“The proud man that we know to treat carefully displays moments of tenderness. Last week, mine took out of the oven a half burned tart. I asserted in front of our friends that his tart was magnificent, but the oven was not up to it. Well, I spent the second part of the evening in the arms of my cordon-bleu cook.” Florence, 46 years old.
“When my computer crashes, I am lost, and my husband wades in with ‘I have already explained to you ten times…’ or a whole bunch of sentences invented for birdbrains. I told him I hate feeling humbled, but he speaks before he thinks. Then, I negotiated a modus vivendi: when he crosses the yellow line, I raise my thumb and he apologises or jokes. In any case, he stops, which is an attractive proof of love.” Anne, 38 years old.
6/8
Does your relationship need space?
“My husband snores and regularly ends his nights on the sofa. To stay in the warmth with me, he went to visit an ENT and spent a fortune on a device that places a thread on the finger and another one stuck on the throat. Without forgetting his morning roaring when he tears away his plaster, his kindness touches me enormously. The only problem is he still snores and I will have to tell him.” Yaël, 44 years old.
7/8
Peaceful coexistence
“Working at home, I created over the years, a peaceful and serene environment in which to concentrate. Since November, my husband, who is between two jobs, also occupies the apartment. TV, radio, doors that slam, he lives in the noise. I held my tongue for fifteen days, before bursting into tears of nervousness. Sorry, he locked himself into a room where he dared to go out only on tiptoe. I feel a little guilty, but full of tenderness for all his careful attention.” Karine, 36 years old.
“To save him from developing an ulcer, I ask to my friends not to phone in the evening between 7:30 p.m. and 9 p.m.” Karine, 35 years old.
“My future husband and I both love to cook, each in our style. I am the basic one, he is a flavour artist. And he annoys me by bombarding me with advice as soon as I season a salad: ‘You should add some Worcestershire sauce or some Espelette chili or, a pinch of curry …’ I raised my eyes to heaven a lot but then I tested some of his suggestions. Delicious. I became more flexible and I began to take some pleasure from letting him influence me.” Laure, 40 years old.
8/8
Cuddles
“With three young children, an events company and work to do in the evening at home, I have difficulty in eroticising the end of the evening. But, as our relationship matters to me, I plan our cuddles as if I was making an appointment at the hairdresser. It’s a bit charmless but it enables us to have a moment together and we also compensate on holidays.” Rosa, 36 years old.

It’s no secret that after the wedding bells, sometimes comes hardship, arguments and annoyance. Clinical psychologist, Catherine Deleuze dishes out some expert tips on maintaining a healthy relationship.