Separation: “Today, I am calmer and he is more loving”
updated the 14 July 2015 à 18:32The separation saved their relationship: Sophia, 45 years old, accountant, married for 16 years, two children.
“We experienced a bad period – everything was a pretext to conflict. We reached the famous seven year itch of marriage. Finally, I concluded that if we quarreled so much, it was because our love had vanished. And I only had one life! For a few months, a work colleague tried to pick me up, which left me feeling desired and understood. I went for it and settled down at his place before quickly taking an apartment. My husband asked me not to leave, but did nothing to stop me. The beginning was idyllic, as this man provided all that I had lost: passion, complicity, dialogue, giggles. And then the flame went out; I left my lover and lived alone. Being alone allowed me to realise that the separation, and the resulting pain in my life, ached. I admitted that the fault did not lie solely with my husband. I understood that as a couple, we had become lost between children, work, family and friends. His good behaviour during the separation – custody of the children, sharing of the properties, and so on – reminded me what I had forgotten: he was a good man. I also noticed that I thought of him a lot. During an evening party, I saw him trying to pick up a girl. That was the turning point for me. The next day, I left him a message inviting him to go away for the weekend. For two days, we didn’t try to analyse the previous eight months. Our desire was to share things together again. We cycled, visited museums, and talked about this and that.
Living together again was not immediately obvious. There were still doubts, resentment and a still fresh scar between us. But we wanted to renew our relationship and each of us had grown up. I became less demanding and cooler, and he became more thoughtful and more present. When we do clash, we keep calm to avoid the escalation of hurtful words. Finding a good balance took longer than I thought; three years for my part. For my husband, I don’t know. We never spoke again about this episode. Moving forward without rehashing the past is our way of functioning. This separation made us stronger, more watchful of protecting or spoiling our relationship. Our complicity strengthened, and we like being together. We love each other. The future? I do not know, but I wish to grow old with him.”
Read more on our ‘separation’ report:
Separation: It saved their relationship
Separation: “I am still afraid that the problems will return”
Separation: “I was persuaded that our love had not been switched off.”
Marie Le Marois
