9 Ways to break up with a friend like an adult

Cutting Ties: 9 Ways to break up with a friend like an adult

Angela Goh

18 Jul 2017

updated the 19 July 2017 à 11:48

1/9
Bring up the issue (delicately)
Don’t be one of those types of people who wallow in dark thoughts and decide to silently resent someone. Be more direct with your dealings with this friend - approach them and address the issue bluntly (but also tactfully, of course) so that this friend will not be completely blindsided by a sudden lack of communication on your end once you decide to bring the friendship to a close. You don’t have to be confrontational about it, just let them know why you need to end the relationship.
2/9
Ask yourself key questions
If you are unsure whether or not you really want to call it quits, ask yourself some crucial questions that will tip the scales and help to convince you to make the right choice. “Can I trust this person any longer?” “Does this person respect me as a friend?” “Do we get along with each other, and care about each other as equals?” Such questions are important in establishing the kind of partnership the both of you have with each other. And if you answer “no” to any of these questions, you’ll be able to see that this friend of yours isn’t able to contribute positively to your life.
3/9
Don’t be pressured into explaining yourself
You don’t owe them an explanation; if you feel like now is the right time to move on, keep the breakup short and simple. If anything, explanations will give them a chance to kick up a fuss or to get them to defend themselves, which is not what you necessarily need. You have nothing to feel guilty about if you decide to move on without them.
4/9
Unfollow their social media accounts
Once you have decided a particular person should no longer be part of your life, it is best to cut ties online as well. There is no need for either party to be privy to the goings-ons in each other’s lives. Social media can spawn all sorts of negative emotions, from jealousy to resentment, which could fuel additional gossip if the friendship was ended on a sour note.
5/9
Create clear boundaries
When you call it quits on the friendship, there is always a chance they might not take the situation seriously. They might still call on you when they feel like reaching out to someone, or just continue to treat you the same way. When this happens, constantly express clear boundaries. Let them know, as firmly as you can, that their behaviour isn’t acceptable.
6/9
Make yourself the priority
As mentioned previously, you shouldn’t feel guilty about making this decision. Make yourself the priority. If you have to hurt someone’s feelings a little in order to live a better life, go ahead and do it. If you know this person is toxic to you, all the more reason to value your wellbeing and motivate yourself to move on.
7/9
Have your talk in public
To minimise the possibility of causing unwanted drama, it is best to have your discussion in a place you have chosen, preferably a public place. This gives you the chance to just get up and leave if things aren’t going the way you’d like them to. Whereas if you were to invite them for a chat at your place, it would be up to them to finish their side of the story before leaving.
8/9
Gradually disassociate yourself from them
Don’t just drop them like a hot potato. Ignoring their messages and phone calls, or not showing up to a lunch meeting might just make them more persistent. It’s best to disassociate yourself from them slowly. But phasing them out of your life over a period of time, you’ll be able to make it seem like the friendship is running its course and they might agree it is also time to move on.
9/9
Don’t make it dramatic
Don’t enter this discussion like it’s a debate. This is just you telling them that you would like to break it off with them, and then leaving. It doesn’t have to turn into an argument or a means to defend your actions. Firmly state your boundaries, and then cease communication with them in the most polite way possible.

Is it time to call it quits with a long-time friend?

Whether you need to cease communicating with a friend who is toxic to your lifestyle, or you sorely need to cut ties with someone who you can’t trust anymore, there will come a time in your adult life where it is just best to stop being friends with a particular person (or two). When that time comes, you might freak out a little. After all, breaking up with a friend sounds like it’d be easier said than done, right? Fear not, there are certain ways to tackle the task head-on.

The most important thing to remember is that you don’t want to fuel the fire by giving this person any more reason to create drama in your life after the “breakup”. You don’t want to give them the opportunity to gossip about you behind your back, so it’s always good to be tactful when you initiate the discussion.

Need to know how to cut ties with a friend like a proper adult? Head up to the gallery for a quick guide. And then, you’ll be free to surround yourself with people who add positivity to your life.

Angela Goh

Photos: Getty Images, Pexels

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