Toxic Personalities: Are you surrounded by them?

Are you surrounded by toxic personalities?

Fabienne Broucaret

26 Sep 2015

updated the 6 October 2015 à 22:28

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What is a toxic personality?
"A toxic person is someone who by his mere presence poisons your existence. It invades your emotional and intimate personal space. At their side, you feel weakened, drained of your energy, vulnerable, anxious, sad, etc..."
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The different profiles
"All toxic personalities are not perverse or narcissistic manipulators having a real grip on you. There are several profiles: one that keeps overthinking and tells you of his anguish, or scrutinises you in a critical way. But just because it is towards you, doesn't mean it will be necessarily the same for others. "
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Why should you move away from them?
"For your wellbeing! These toxic presences engulf you and there are other things that are more valuable: your time and interior space. You lose psychic availability, you feel stifled, and not present to yourself..."
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How to clean up these relationships?
"There is inner work and outer work to do. First, detect behaviours that may be toxic. By observing your relationship, you may realise that you have such a friend that calls you when he needs you, but otherwise you never hear from him. Then the most important thing is to focus on yourself: do you feel that you are in the presence of such a person? Did you feel better before or after seeing them? Take a few minutes to regularly survey your moods because we tend to keep some relationships only out of loyalty or habit. Next, put limits on these polluting personalities. Some will perhaps readjust over time. And if not, don't feel guilty if you burn any bridges. The only criterion to keep in mind is simple: does this relationship bring me a beautiful energy or does she empty myself of all my substance?"
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What is a solar person?
"This is a person whose presence alone does us good. This quality of presence implies inner harmony. At his/ her side, you feel better and reduce your worries. They have a high degree of autonomy from an emotional standpoint. They exude a strength and a way of being in the world. It broadcasts something harmonious, communicates a love of life and learns to maintain a positive energy."
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How does one become solar?
"This requires fighting one's inner demons, listen to understand how one maintains their own anxieties and successfully reposition themselves. This introspection is essential. The current period is complicated, and there are, of course, reasons to be anxious, but it's not worth it to add more and feed anxieties. Cultivating the quality of presence implies lightening the load resting on yourself, stress, from everyday life, etc. For this, find an activity that calms you and allows you to improve your inner state: gardening, listening to music, cooking... You will become less receptive to toxic personalities. For your children to become solar people as well, lead by example! Also be sure to listen and help them put words to their feelings."

Toxic personalities cannot be reduced to handlers and other narcissistic perverts. How to identify and protect yourself from them? Here’s the advice of psychologist and philosopher, Ariadne Bilheran.

Much has been said in recent years about narcissistic perverts and manipulators. In his book Be Solar!*, psychologist and philosopher Ariane Bilheran goes above and beyond to help us identify toxic personalities around us. You know, the ones who pump us of all our energy, who envy us or take us into their deep thoughts. In contrast, solar people do us good with their presence. Attracting the wrong crowd? Start to clean up your relationships and work on yourself to find a new balance.

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The right attitudes to adopt? Dispose of loyalties that plague you and no longer seek to do good to one another at all costs, growing without fear of upsetting, connecting more to our souls… “Think of restoring value to your time, your time in life,” adds Ariane Bilheran. “Systematically contemplate the path you want to pursue rather than lamenting on thorns and brambles.”

*Be solar! And free yourself of toxic personalities, by Ariane Bilheran, Payot.

Fabienne Broucaret and Nur Syazana H.

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