'Money Dates': An alternative date night idea key for a healthy marriage

‘Money Dates’: An alternative date night idea essential for a healthy marriage

Sarah Khan

29 Nov 2017

updated the 30 November 2017 à 17:56

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How to Effectively Address Emotional Money Situations
1. Identify Your Emotions
Before you get to the table, take time to check in with yourself about the different emotions money has led you to feel lately. Identify and embrace each and every emotion - from anger and anxiety to joy and hope. Think about what monetary situation triggers each emotion. Once you're better able to understand your own emotional patterns, you'll be able to express it to your partner better.

Other things worth exploring? Your first memories concerning money, the positives and negatives you learned about finances from your family when growing up, as well as your strengths and weaknesses when it comes to money.
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How to Effectively Address Emotional Money Situations
2. Establish How You're Both Feeling

Avoid talking numbers first. Instead, consider starting with both you and your partner having 15 minutes each to talk about your emotions when it comes to money, that you identified earlier. While one person speaks, the other needs to listen without interrupting or getting defensive.

Don't worry if the candid, rational sharing and genuine listening feels difficult at first, especially when you're emotional. Discipline yourself to speak without blame or shame and to listen fairly. After a few money dates, you'll find that the process feels easier, more compassionate - and even more enjoyable.
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How to Effectively Address Emotional Money Situations
3. Share Your Individual Values

What you might think to be a frivolous purchase by your partner, might turn out to be a sentimental one for him. It's important to have effective conversations with your partner to understand each other's goals, dreams and why they're important to them - on a deeper level.

According to marriage therapists and experts, even if you and your partner have the same values on the surface, you might go about it in different ways. Because money is a vehicle to get you to where you want to go in life, it's essential to talk about where it is you want to head - both over the short and long-term.
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How to Effectively Address Emotional Money Situations
4. Discuss Who's Going to Do What

After discussing your emotions and plans for the future, it's essential to focus on the present - i.e. how you'll handle finances as a couple moving forward.
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How to Plan a Fun Money Date
And no - money dates are not as dry and number-crunching as they might initially sound. In fact, you can organise your scheduled money dates in a fun, stress-free way - whether it's over a hearty meal, or accompanied by a good bottle of wine as you take stock of your financial goals. Though where you have it isn't crucial, setting the right tone (i.e. a relaxed one with both you and your partner in a good mood) is essential before you chat.
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Other Things to Consider and Discuss
1. Begin the date with the financial wins you've experienced as a couple.

2. Go over your financial goals - both short term (e.g. vacation) and long term (e.g. working to becoming financially independent by a certain age).

3. Discuss the need to adjust any goals or deadlines.

4. Review the numbers - ranging from your bank account statements to investments.

5. Plan your finances for the next month.

How to Effectively Address Emotional Money Situations

Make this is another date night for you and your partner.

Can you recall the last time you and your partner sat face-to-face and thoroughly discussed your financial goals – without any hostility and anger that money issues tend to incite?

If no, it’s high time you start.

A 2016 survey of 500 Singaporeans found that one in three of them feel that their partners upset them at least once a week, arguing quite often, with some admitted that the arguments often led to verbal abuse.

What do they fight about? As it turns out, their children (46%); followed by money (41%).

So… What Are ‘Money Dates’?

The fact that money can be a huge point of friction and contention in the household is just the tip of the iceberg why it’s essential to designate time to talk about money together – also known as ‘money dates’.

Money dates are, in essence, all about ensuring that your money is going towards what is important to you and your partner as a couple. They are check-ins that allow you to take a step back time and again to assess what’s financially working for you and what’s not.

Browse the gallery above to see how you can effectively organise your money dates, what to discuss when you take your partner on one, and how to address emotionally-charged situations in a healthy, rational manner.

Sarah Khan

Photo: Getty Images

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