In The Sack: How to maintain a fulfilling sex life even as a parent?

As fulfilling and enriching as it is, starting a family has its fair share of disadvantages, especially when it comes to privacy. Once you hit parenthood, it is difficult, even for an inseparable couple, to maintain a high level of intimacy in the bedroom. Here are 6 tricks to remedy that.

1. Discuss the situation with your partner

The first thing you need to do is talk to your spouse. If you experience a decrease in sexual appetite on your side, there is a good chance that your partner has felt it too. Take the time to seriously discuss the matter together – how you will consider things in the future, what you lack, the fantasies you would like to achieve, et cetera. Keep in mind that you are not forced to talk only about desires. Discuss with your spouse what you like about yourself or what you would like to change in your relationship. Such discussions will only serve to strengthen the bond you two have.

Finally, if you see that your problems are too great and that the communication fizzles out, do no hesitate to consult someone qualified and specialised in relationship problems. A marriage counselor may help.

2. Accept change

The other very important point before taking action is acceptance. In other words, admit that it will never truly be just the two of you alone in your residence (at least not until your children finally grow up and move out of the house) and that your privacy will have to suffer. Of course, you will no longer be able to have sex as and when you feel like it, but that does not mean that you have to completely cross out the activity from your list.

In the same vein, you must accept that your sex life and your frolics will no longer be the same as before. There is nothing wrong with having a lesser sexual appetite. Finally, accept that your body and that of your other half will change over the years and learn to love them as they are.

3. Rekindle the flame

Once the acceptance and common ground are in place, it will be necessary to revive the flame. Learn to desire your spouse again. Share sparked up glances over the dinner table at mealtimes, and perhaps a few raunchy texts here and there every few days to let your partner know you are thinking of them. Invest in a new set of lingerie or spice up the foreplay in the bedroom with some interesting toys. Surprise your partner! There are no rules in the game of love, so let your imagination run wild!

4. Give yourself moments away from the kids

A date night at a restaurant, a show at the cinema, a walk along the beach… allow for some romantic outings once in awhile to relive the good old days. Ask a babysitter to look after the children, or drop them off at a relative’s house (perhaps an aunt who needs the company and would be delighted to keep the little ones for a day).

On weeknights, fatigue is often a barrier and one is rarely in the mood to make love, but on weekends, during your little one’s nap time, settle for a cuddly moment with your other half.

5. Break the routine

Prepare the children for school, take them there, go to work, pick the kids up, go home… over the years, habits and routine will cause you to view life as a dull and monotonous struggle. Routine is the number one enemy of a fulfilled sex life. If you’re used to sharing an intimate moment in the bedroom only on Tuesdays, change this now! Get out of your comfort zone and explore other ways to make the romance work.

6. Imposing limits on the children

Sometimes, it is wise to set a few ground rules for your kids. Leaving your door open to them and allowing them to sleep between you and your partner every few nights will be the end of your intimacy. After a certain age, your child must understand that he cannot just intrude into the room of his parents whenever he pleases. And this goes the other way too – don’t barge into your children’s rooms unannounced. By setting limits, both parties will be more at ease and this will also help to avoid any untimely intrusion.

Laura Gabrieli

Photo: Getty Images

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