Positive Parenting: 10 Tips to prevent sibling rivalry

Angela Goh 10 Jan 2017 updated the 17 January 2017 à 14:32

1/10
Stop making comparisons
Creating an environment that fosters sibling rivalry can just as much be the fault of the parent. You should avoid comparing one sibling to another as it could cause feelings of inferiority in your child, which could in turn encourage resentment and undesirable behaviour among your kids. When you feel the need to praise a child, do so in relation to the child themselves and not in comparison to another sibling. Say “good job on the spelling test, you must have studied really hard,” instead of “you’re doing much better than John at school”. When reprimanding a child for poor grades, don’t say “why can’t you be like Alice? She’s getting A-pluses in all her schoolwork”, tell them “you have to work a little harder, your teacher is counting on you”.
2/10
Make the older sibling feel important
Perhaps your eldest is feeling a little left out after you’ve given birth to a newborn and all your attention seems to be directed to the newest addition to the family. One way to avoid your older kid feeling “unloved” is to make them feel important instead. Grant them an important-sounding job title like “mommy’s assistant” or “mom’s favourite helper”, and give them simple tasks to help around the house. Better yet, give them tasks that have to do with your new baby, such as asking them to “tuck your little brother in” or “look for your sister’s pacifier”. This way, your eldest will also start to feel some attachment and responsibility over their new sibling.
3/10
Acquaint your older child with the new baby even before birth
Expecting a baby? Get your older child well acquainted with the little one in your tummy! This can be as simple as showing them pictures/scans of the baby growing in your belly, and letting them pat the baby bump, feel the baby kick, and even talk to the baby through your tummy.
4/10
Promote empathy
Unfortunately, a lack of empathy promotes a discordant relationship between siblings, and the widening gap of indifference can continue to grow as the siblings mature into adults. To prevent this, it is important to promote empathy when your children are still young. Teach them to put themselves in others’ shoes and to think first of how their behaviour might affect someone else. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”, is a motto your children should live by.
5/10
Share your time
Every parent knows how tricky it is to split time between taking care of a new baby and giving your older child the attention they need. The concept of sharing is relatively new to a child under three since, to them, mommy is their most beloved “possession”, so it can be difficult to make them understand that you need to split your time between them and someone else. Try to find creative ways to spend quality time with both kids while also making it easier on yourself, for example, spend more time sitting on the floor so that you are able to still feed your baby while playing with your toddler, or, when your baby is old enough, place them in an infant seat or on a blanket so she can watch you play one-on-one with her older brother or sister. The idea is to find the best way to still spend one-on-one time with your child, but not at the expense of the other.
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Start the day with some “intensive care”
Ward off any feelings of resentment that your older child might feel towards your youngest by investing twenty solid minutes with them at the start of the day. Spending this “special time” with your toddler can make him realise that you still value spending precious moments with them, even though the family is now bigger.
7/10
Promote gender sensitivity
Girls and boys are, of course, different. Your children must learn that it is almost impossible for you to treat everyone the same way. All along, you might have had boys in the family, but when a girl comes along, they must know how to treat their new sibling right, and to know that they should accept all the personality traits and differences that she will come with. For example, instead of finding her dress sense funny or sneering at her preference of toys, your boys should be taught to respect their sister and to be more supportive of her choices. The same must apply the other way around.
8/10
When the blaming game starts, listen to both sides
When battles break out, you might have both sides pointing the finger and getting into a heated argument about who started it. There might even be tears. When this happens, make sure you lend your ears to both parties involved, and to also dish out the appropriate punishment. If the incident is minor, you can also show them alternative ways to handling differences - instead of starting a screaming match with each other (“He hit me!” “He hit me first!”), give them some space and time to vent their frustrations before you begin lecturing them.
9/10
Help them to foster friendships with each other
Help your kids realise how “cool” and “awesome” their siblings are - make them be proud to have a brother or sister just like them, who they can count on and be there for them.
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Focus on your children’s kindness towards each other
If your little one does something nice for their sibling, praise them for it. For example, if you have observed that your little boy held open the door for their sister, tell him that it was very sweet of him to do so. This fosters positive action and a certain amount of pride for being treated with recognition.

If one (or more) of your kids have been showing signs of unhappiness with their siblings, it’s time to act.

It’s a common phenomenon: You bring a new baby home and your eldest makes a big fuss about it. Or perhaps you have a child in the family who thinks they aren’t getting the attention they deserve. Squabbles and fights can break out among your kids if they don’t get along. This is more likely if you have a larger brood of 3 or more kids. The key to reduce the episodes of sibling rivalry and discordance around the home is to promote sibling harmony, and to continue doing so as the young ones grow up (after all, the whole rivalry mindset can strike at any age, even up until adolescence).

Helping your children recognise their strong conflicting feelings regarding their siblings is a step in the right direction when it comes fostering a healthier sibling relationship down the road, so make sure you don’t turn a blind eye when you notice your eldest throwing tantrums or bullying your youngest (and vice versa, if that ever is the case). Teach them compassion and acceptance.

We’ve rounded up a handful of tips and tricks in the gallery above that you can use to prevent sibling rivalry from flaring up at home, so your family remains at peace and everyone can be accepting of each other.

Angela Goh

Photos: Getty Images

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