Malay Weddings: What to know as guests?

If you’ve just been invited to a Malay friend’s wedding recently (especially now that Hari Raya is coming up), you might want to note a thing or two if it’s your first time. You’ll be pleasantly surprised to know that Malay weddings are fairly easy to breeze through, so don’t worry about memorising any confusing customs or being too cautious at the event.

MARRIAGE SOLEMNIZATION AND WEDDING RECEPTION

Marriage solemnization for muslim-Malays can be held at any suitable venue and is not restricted to just the mosque. While some couples prefer to hold their ceremony at the mosque, it can also be held at one of their homes, or even at any appropriate wedding venue surrounded by immediate family and close friends. If you’re a close friend and have been invited to join the solemnization, be sure to dress appropriately. A simple dress shirt and long pants are appropriate for men, while ladies should arrive in more conservative clothing that’s not too short and don’t cling too tightly around the body.

Whether the solemnization and wedding reception will be held on the same day is entirely up to the couple and their families. The solemnization ceremony is usually held in the morning and lasts only for a few hours. The reception – afterwards or on a different day altogether – lasts somewhere around the mid-morning to late afternoon, or afternoon to evening.

WHICH WEDDING SHOULD I GO TO?

Some couples may opt to host two receptions – one for the bride’s family and another for the groom’s. Depending on which of the two you are closer to, you can choose to go for that wedding. If you’re friends of both the bride and groom, ask for their advice on which you should attend.

WHEN TO SEE THE BRIDE AND GROOM

Malay weddings are usually held for extended periods of time throughout the day or night to accommodate all guests, as some may not be able to attend at certain times but can be present at others. As a result, the bride and groom will not always be at the wedding altar. If they are absent, it usually means they have not arrived (if it is still early into the wedding) or have gone to change their outfits. These arrivals and outfit changes are usually scheduled, so if you’re keen on being at the reception only when the bride and groom are present, make sure to ask the couple for the timings of when they would be at the altar beforehand.

WEDDING BANQUET STYLE

Almost every Malay wedding will be held in a free-and-easy buffet style. Traditionally, the must-have dishes to be present are nasi minyak (rice cooked with a mixture of ghee and spices), chicken or beef rendang, ayam masak merah (red chicken dish) and sambal goreng (a stir-fried mixture of beef lung, prawn, fermented soy bean, or tempeh, and more). Again, these choices are up to the wedding couple and their families as they do not defy any important customs. Recent modern receptions have also seen the likes of sweets carts, ice cream booths and a variety of food vendors present at the wedding alongside the traditional buffet. Having seconds is highly encouraged, so don’t be shy to eat to your heart’s content!

WEDDING GIFTS

Wrapped presents are usually unheard of as gifts from guests at Malay weddings (unless you’re a close friend of the couple and would be handing your gift to them at a separate occasion) so monetary envelopes are encouraged. The amount you should include is up to you, so gift to the best of your ability.

As a guest at a Malay wedding, all you have to do is enjoy yourself. Arrive at the venue with a big smile and expect to be introduced to many of the couple’s relatives! Take plenty of photos with the wedding couple and once you’ve had your second or third serving at the buffet, you can decide to take your leave at any time.

Nur Syazana H.