What does jealousy do to your relationship?
A possessive man is a horror (not to mention, corny to death). But if he would wince when you dine out with a male friend, that would make you wonder if it’s just a little jealousy or a more serious problem.
It may sometimes be taking it too far to wish to have eyes on the back of our heads or sprinkle flour on the doormat (to catch the footprints of any secret lover) in the name of jealousy. Resorting to this will mean you’re no longer in love, but instead may show some underlying psychological problems.
While some may think it’s the expression of overflowing love, possessive looks that say, “You’re Jane, I’m Tarzan,” forces any other man in question to flee. He who risks making eye contact to this Tarzan’s girl is likely to receive a beating coming straight to him, full-force like a stunt car.
WHERE ARE YOUR FEELINGS, MI AMOR?
A woman with a possessive lover told us her account:
“It was a long time ago, but fortunately I remember clearly because he was older. This man of mine had strong feelings; he always waited by the phone, and was content even with nothing but the vibration of my voice. He even knew if I was in the next room and my silence towards him was sometimes music to his ears. When I was having dinner with a friend (I only had guys as friends and I dined out often), he sent me a text message just to say “We still hanging out this weekend?”. Which is code for, “Hi, I exist”, in case I forgot, but of course I didn’t forget. He knew he had to occupy the land, to shade the sun and even join in the conversation if, by chance, he found me busy gossiping with a long-lost twin of Ryan Gosling. His sixth sense was on overdrive, and I even wondered if he would pirate my dreams if he could just so that nothing escapes him. A little jealousy is fine but not to the point of being possessive, because it’s too masculine and not macho. However he did remain quite civilized, like a dominant wolf descended into the plain. He held me (emphasis on the word ‘hold’) and was striving for a strong relationship.”
PUT DOWN THE ARROGANCE
“It’s normal to be worried in love. Not being jealous at all makes way for the arrogant, who think they are invulnerable,” writes historian and philosopher Giulia Sissa*. Another woman tells us:
“I was the arrogant one, while he was on the alert. He asks me which is the Thomas I see often, although he knows that Thomas is a very good friend. He had so much confidence in me (and him) that he asked Thomas if he could accompany us to a birthday (on Saturday night, while going out wasn’t quite his thing), even though it was that of Nelson, a 38-year-old friend of mine who was a Brazilian stripper. He even helped to pick out my outfit, commenting that the pair of shorts I had on looked cute with my boots. He then got me a coordinating bolero, before returning to his game of Candy Crush, trying to act passive.”
*Jealousy, a Shameful Passion (Ed. Odile Jacob).
LESS TALK
“Now there is a little less action at night, allowing us to get more sleep. It may have something to do with this disaffection. With him, we spoke less before. Less talk, but more yelps, it’s mathematical. A musky fragrance once permeated the room, as I left something lying around like my joggers or a newspaper. And I’m still reachable. If I don’t answer, it’s because I’m into the suspense. You should have the strength to tell her that jealousy is for primates and is instinctual. He wants to jump higher than that. He doesn’t dare ask me about the 300 Brazilian strippers I know or 300 friends on Facebook. Neither does my lack of textomania have anything to do with a galloping erotomania, for fear of being accused of horrible libido.”
BE DOMINANT, HOMBRE!
“‘Be open to the world, with birds singing, dancing with wolves…’ he said. I don’t want him to dance, I want him to be there, to growl, prowl, yell for me and grab my neck saying, “You’re mine, baby.” Jealousy is an erotic game at first. Life without drama is relaxing, but too much rest might cause you to lose sleep… Somehow, my man is driven to intellectualise everything: desire, a compatible rhesus case of feelings, a story of consenting and responsible adults, fear of losing, an optical illusion… This is true, but please, I’m not a classmate. For a little while we’ll discuss with a dash of milk and a finger in the air. However, tension and fear of losing the other creates a reborn desire, with a creepy chemistry.” For Giulia Sissa, it’s clear: “The male jealousy goes straight to the phallus, the emotion being linked to this part of the disobedient and capricious body. Men are educated to the Grecian Stoic, unable to express their pain. To say how valuable the desire of the other is can be a declaration of love. But that’s all the salt from the beginning, this attraction and magnetism that only asks to be found… A hint of jealousy can help us.”
Valerie Rodrigue and Nur Syazana H.
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