Friendship: How to overcome a painful breakup?
updated the 14 July 2015 à 18:33A friendly break is often just as bad as being dumped by a passionate lover. These breaks can leave a mark burned into the memory, and in the heart.
You were best friends for a long time, and then one day things go awry. Exactly as in love, the end is difficult to understand and to accept. While the end of a relationship is always a possibility, in a friendship it is not an expected outcome per se, as the psychiatrist and author, Dr. Clerget, decodes.
Can a friendship breakup really be as painful as a relationship breakup?
The intensity can be absolutely the same. But unlike a relationship breakup, the friendship breakup isn’t well known. It is less expressed, thus less reported. The relationship breakup is the subject of so many narratives, movies, books and so on. There is a social and friendly support in it. Concerning the friendship breakup, of course we pay attention to it but that’s it. We are thus alone, by ourselves without our dear friend to listen.
What makes friendship so special?
Friendship is something very pure. It is one of the rare relations that, today, is not contractual. It is a real choice maintained by nothing else but a common wish. It is a unique relationship and its fragility makes it even more beautiful. In love, the link can be maintained by children or sexual desire. We can even be attracted to somebody who is bad for us. Friendship is much less ambiguous.
Why do we feel guilty about a friendship breakup that we are not responsible for?
In a relationship breakup, we blame the other one; we feel hatred. In a friendship breakup, it is the feeling of guilt that is prominent because, once again, the friendship was built together in a free relation. Then, if the other one ends the friendship, we speculate that it is because we were not a good enough friend. In reality, we feel more guilty towards the friendship than the friend. It’s like we haven’t done everything or haven’t dedicated enough time. This guilt shows that in actuality, we still have some affection for the other one, and that we hope to renew the friendship.
Why are there few explanations regarding these breakups?
When we break up a contract, we have the feeling of owing something. It is not the case in a friendship. We think “As there is no contract, I owe you nothing!” It is one of the consequences of this free link. It allows us to refuse an explanation. In doing so, we try to protect the past friendship and not ruin it with painful explanations. We want the friendship to stop, but we have no doubt about how sincere it was. Moreover, if in a relationship breakup, we can say “I am no longer in love with you.” What can we say with a friendship breakup? It is not as easy to express.
Read more on our friendship report:
Fanny Dalbera
