In Tune: 10 Ways to build a deeper connection with your child

Lim Han 09 May 2017

1/10
Use music
As much as you’d love to, blasting Backstreet Boys or Spice Girls probably isn’t going to cut it for them. There a ton of other ways to use music as a relational glue, such as learning an instrument together or singing their favourite tunes with them. So, if they adore My Little Pony’s theme song or Moana’s How Far I Go, those tunes better be stuck in your head. For your older kids at the adolescent stage, their go-to bands or musicians make for great topics of casual conversation.
2/10
Eat together
Having a meal together is easily one of the easiest things a family can do, and also one of the most effective. Not only is the act of communal eating said to promote familial connections and intimacy, it also serves as the perfect opportunity for parents to catch up with their kids. From their school work to their social circle, there are an abundance of things you can learn about your kid’s life from a mere half an hour of dinner together. If you wish to take things to the next level, it can even start before the feasting. Working together in the kitchen to prepare a meal is an effective way of promoting team spirit and enforcing camaraderie in the family.
3/10
Catch up with them daily
If your schedule clashes with that of your kids and family mealtimes are a rare occasion, it’s imperative that you still make time to catch up with them. For instance, when you get home, make an effort to sit down with them one-on-one to chat about their day and find out about any thoughts or emotions they may have. If both parties are tired and not in the mood for conversation, have a go at solo outings with them on the weekend, whether it’s to the theme park or playgrounds. The importance of one-on-one quality time cannot be over-emphasised.
4/10
Organise family-only activities
Yes, this isn’t the easiest thing to do, considering the various schedules and commitments each family member is tied to. That’s why you or your partner have to step in and purposefully co-ordinate weekly schedules of family activities at home. There are a whole garage of things the family can do together – playing board games, flipping through old photo albums, working on a family project together and snuggling up together and watching a movie. If your family commits to this on a weekly basis, we guarantee stellar results.
5/10
Make the most out of their holidays
Holidays are when the party begins! Go all out and fully utilise this period to bond with your children. Embark on an overseas vacation with them or explore nature together during a short camping trip! If your commitment at work prevents you from going on extended trips with them, take half-day leaves or simply make the effort to come home earlier than usual to spend quality time with them.
6/10
Be keen in your child’s interests
Sesame Street and Spongebob Squarepants may not make you jump up for joy or squeal in excitement, but if they make your kids do, then you should show at least a tinge of interest towards them. Being curious about your child’s likes and dislikes is not only a display of affection, but also a window through which you can gain an understanding of your child’s enigmatic tastes and perceptions. And, who knows? Maybe your child will reciprocate and be keen in your interests as well. Oh boy, then you’ll be having the time of your life showing them the world of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Scooby Doo.
7/10
Put away your phone
If you can do this at work, you can do this at home too. Come on, what’s Instagram and Whatsapp compared to precious quality time spent with your darling? Switching off your phone will eliminate all distractions and help you to solely focus on your child. They, too, will see the effort you’re putting in, which will give them a glimpse of how much you truly love and value them (more than your phone). In time to come, their actions will naturally reflect yours, whereby family time for them equals no-phones time as well.
8/10
Shower them with affection
No, we’re not asking you to kiss them ten times a day or hug them every minute, but it’s important that you show them affection on a daily basis. Touch is an inherent component of intimacy as it not only ignites feel-good hormones, it also deepens connections. Make an effort to hold your child’s hand whenever the family is out or snuggle up with them on the couch while watching a show. These small actions can amalgamate into whopping results in your relationship with them.
9/10
Empathise with them
Bad moods and tantrums are inevitable with kids, and when that happens, how you respond is the breaking point between solidifying and breaking the relationship. Whatever situation you’re dealing with, try and get on your child’s level and understand what he/she is feeling. Is his/her anger stemming from a place of hurt and insecurity? If so, then it’s important that you calmly talk things through with them to tackle the underlying issue. If he/she is merely throwing a fit, it’s still vital that you maintain composure and explain to them your actions. If you manage to overcome this mountain, it will only make the relationship stronger than before.
10/10
Read together
Sounds like too lame of an activity, right? After all, you'll both just be reciting words off of a page. But no, book reading actually promotes bonding and kinship between children and parents. The act of sitting close together and absorbing the same material can serve as an intimate bonding session, especially if you’ve been away at work all day. Not only that, you can kill two birds with one stone by choosing books that will inculcate in them critical thinking and key life values.

Knowing their favourite animal or video game is not enough.

It’s one thing to love your kid, but it’s another thing altogether to actually be in sync with them. Sure, you may know the show they’re currently obsessed with or their favourite colour, but what about the matters of the heart? Do they tell you what they’re feeling or thinking, or do you even make the effort to find out?

While many parents can attest to being physically there for their kids, only a few can raise their hands in the emotional sector. Sadly, being physically available doesn’t instantly mean a deep emotional connection with your kids. Being in tune with your children requires both time and effort, and entails varying results. If you think there’s work to be done in your relationship with your child, don’t worry, we’re here to help. From physical affection to family meals, there are a plethora of ways you can ensure that you’re well-aligned with your kids. With these steps in place, we promise you’ll be on your way to a blossoming and fulfilling parent-child relationship!

Lim Han

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