How to deal with your emotionally distant teen

Lim Han

10 Mar 2017

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Know that this is not your fault
The first crucial step to is to steer your mentality into the right zone. As heart-wrenching as it is, your child’s growing distance is part and parcel of him/her entering adolescence. Unless you were a brutal dictator of a parent, you should not be blaming yourself. Self-reproach will only serve to worsen your emotional and mental state, plunging this situation into a downward spiral.
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Don’t respond in resentment
The last thing you want to do is to widen the gap, which is the exact effect this will have. The message will never get across if it’s transmitted through reprimands and lectures. Exude patience and understanding when interacting with your child. As frustrating as it is, you’ll get further with a short yet cordial conversation rather than one spluttering rage and antagonism.
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Don’t ask repetitive questions
Although the urge to know every last detail of your child’s whereabouts and activities is overwhelming, rapid-fire questions will only serve to exasperate your child. Having your conversation synonymous with a police interrogation benefits no one. Try spreading your questions over the day and asking them in a casual manner.
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Familiarise yourself with their social circle and interests
Knowing who they hang out with and what they enjoy is not only a great tool for conversations, but is also a conspicuous sign that you care. Take note of the little things – the kind of songs they listen to and the name of the show that is perpetually on their screens. Few things please a child as much as seeing their parents being in tune with their lives.
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Be intentional in showing your love
Go big or go home. Love as obnoxiously as possible. Whether it’s spending quality time with them or whipping up their favourite dish, your child is bound to feel your affection and reciprocate it, even if they don’t show it. You may not see immediate results but give it time - the divine power of love never fails.

Is your precious baby not so ‘baby’ anymore?

As high as the mountains of your parenting guides and books are, probably nothing can completely prepare you for the “dark days”. As your child enters adolescence, they may gradually step into an engulfing cloud of silence and mood swings. With the onset of closed doors or violent arguments, you may start to wonder where your child has gone. Although it seems like your child wants nothing to do with this family, remember that he is struggling in his suffocating bubble of hormones and unpredictable emotions.

But, fret not. Help is on the way! We’ve gathered together 5 useful pieces of advice to help you combat the Cold War with your child.

Lim Han

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