Stop Complaining: 9 Ways to stop!

1. Practice self-criticism 

Every morning when you wake up, does reality just overwhelm you? Some sort of joint stiffness gaining ground? Looking at it constructively, it would seem that if you had not abandoned ballet trainings, you would still be able to touch your toes, or maybe even doing splits just to show off. “Swapping the complaint with criticism encourages us to become aware of our faults and weaknesses, but also our strengths,” says Martine Teillac*. This first step should lead us to the second: in this case, action in reconnecting with flexibility.

* Author of Loving yourself to love others (First Editions).

2. Accept the duality

In our quest for happiness, we sometimes forget the duality of existence – there is no light without darkness, nor joy without sorrow, recalls Eric Wilson*. “Sadness is a normal component of an existence that is rich and open to the complexity of things. We should thus not reject it, but instead accept a better understanding of ourselves with regards to it.”

* Quoted in Stéphane Osmont’s The Pursuit of Happiness (Albin Michel).

3. Adjust your complaints

A friend hurts us, our boss attacks us, our child irritates us… revisiting it over and over again in a loop of bitterness feeds the grief instead of exhausting it. You can quit this loop by according your complaint the same importance it has it reality, remarks François Roustang*. In other words, a mini-pain only deserves a mini-complain. By adopting this mentality of an informed observer, we already become a little less a suffering soul, closed in on itself.

*Author of The End of the complaint (Odile Jacob).

4. Dare to self-deprecate

You lament about your cellulite? Instead, put on a red clown nose, plant yourself in front of a mirror and envision your curvy self walking like a sumo warrior on the edge of lipid coma. “Our complaints are in the mind. Laughter can also reverberate through the body. When exaggerated, the complaints themselves appear ridiculous, we smile, thus breaking the vicious circle of pessimism and depression, and stand up to take power over our lives, “says Corinne Cosseron*.

* Author of Return of Laughter in your Life (Robert Laffont) and creative www.ecoledurire.org

5. Take Action

What misery! Nobody cares about us, our significant other is sulking and all our companions go silent, to the point that even the cat ignores us. Instead of whining and wallowing in on our discomfort, it is better to imagine that we have amnesia to it, this allows us to take a fresh look at our man and our loved ones, offers Dr Christophe Faure* psychiatrist. Who are they, really? What do they like? Chocolate, Indian cuisine, thrillers? Then try to make them happy. And change your attitude – feed your relationships, instead of waiting for them to fill us. In a relationship, we should listen to our companion, touch him, give him time, relearn the idea of generosity, increase the number of thoughtful gestures and encouraging phrases. Without expecting any sort of return, though it will come in time.

*Author of Alone Together (Albin Michel).

6. Unload emotion

Our complaints are useful because they reveal an emotional overload that we should get rid of. One tip suggested by psychotherapist Isabelle Filliozat* is asking a close friend to sit, and then laying your head on her lap (or against her shoulder, it should work too). Give yourself ten minutes of non-stop whining, crying too, if you must. Try it – the moment of shame passes quickly – and you will see – you will really feel relieved.

* Author of The Others and I (JC Lattes).

7. Stop the comparisons

Your children are not as brilliant as your brother’s, your apartment is less windy than the one above… comparing your fate to others certainly opens the door to frustrations. Better learn to be satisfied with what is “good enough” for yourself without focusing on what is not. This is a practice of restructuring your life in three stages:

• Think back to times when you have been fully satisfied with what you have.

• Analyse your selection criteria: when you decide to buy that car, what was it that mattered most, aesthetics, comfort or strength? Likewise, did that apartment seduce you with its charm or its location?

• Apply these criteria to other areas of your life.

Read: The Paradox of Choice by Barry Schwartz (Marabout Company).

8. Delve into the nuisances 

The roar of a drill, the long queues, the never-ending traffic jams…it is hard not to get overwhelmed with the exasperation. Psychoanalyst François Roustang* recommends to dive in the heart of the small annoyances of life to be absorbed whole and integrated. They soon lose the power to destroy us. Socrates advocated indifference to everything, cold, heat and rest. He shared with us his secret: a total commitment to reality for maximum adaptation.

*Author of Socrates’ Secret to Change Lives (Odile Jacob).

9. Seize opportunities

Our complaints express an aspiration. They should lead us to ask questions. We are going in circles at work, how can we change it? We feel lonely and lament about not meeting anyone, but what have we ever done to break this isolation? Have we explored all the resources of clubs or associations? And when chance offers us meetings, are we the kind to jump on it or give excuses to avoid a life on the good side?

Laurence Cochet

Our report on living without complaint:

Stop Complaining: 3 good reasons to quit!

How to live peacefully with the family?

How to live harmoniously at work?

How to stop stop complaining in society?