Chinese New Year: 5 Relatives you’ll meet during the festivities

Chinese New Year is merely a few days away where you’ll put on your best dress and step out the door. The next thing you know you’re at a relative’s home with long lost aunties and uncles who claim to have watched you grow up.

You brace yourself for the unavoidable awkward questions and sometimes even passing comments that inevitably eat away at your self-esteem. Ah, family. Usually only good in small doses.

Why let them have all the fun watching you cringe though? Two can play at this tongue-in-cheek game, so we’re here to help you handle them with humour and grace. Here are 5 different types of relatives you’ll definitely meet during Chinese New Year.

1) The Weight Police

Aunty: “Wah, you put on weight ah! Need to go on diet already.”

Usually this would come from a particularly boisterous and loud Aunty or Uncle with no internal filter whatsoever.

Your response: [deadpan] “I’m pregnant.” wait for them to be suitably shocked before adding “…with a food baby. I’ve been pregnant for years.” 

2) The Matchmaker

Uncle: “You and X have been together for very long already. When getting married?”

Ah the perennial awkward question, usually asked when your significant other is seated right beside you.

Your response: “Uncle, you’re getting old. We already got married remember? You even came to our wedding.” Watch relative struggle to remember then say, “Uncle I’m just joking, we’re not married yet.” 

By then your relative would be so busy scolding you for playing a trick on them that they would have hopefully forgotten the question in the first place.

3) The Humble Braggart

Aunty: “Eh where you working/ schooling now? My boy just got a job at ABC bank/ got into Prestigious University, but I am sure he’s not as smart as you.”

Somehow this is a well-honed skill that most Chinese aunties have. The humble brag.

Your response: “Aunty, why you tell me all these good things about your son. You trying to get me to marry him is it? I already have a boyfriend!”

4) The one with the elephant memory

Uncle: “Eh wah, change boyfriend already ah! Last time not this one right!”

Another relative that lacks any social etiquette or filter. Probably saw your ex-significant other a few years back and decides to comment on your current s/o.

Your response: “Aiya, uncle. What can I do, I’m so popular.”

5) The wannabe grandparent

Aunty: [waves toddler with a mouth full of drool in your face] “So cute you know, you sure you want to make your mother wait?”

Usually said by a well-meaning relative that means no malice, but unfortunately your s/o will be right by your side awaiting your response.

Your response: “Do you want a second grandchild?”

Turning the heat away from you and onto your poor unsuspecting cousin might be a low blow, but hey, at least the attention is off you!

Cheryl Lee