Cougars are revealing themselves, and the press is loving it. Madonna, Demi Moore, Jennifer Lopez, Claire Chazal…

Mature women and their ‘it’ boys are invading magazine covers and pages, posing for photographers looking radiant and at ease, society assuming them to be a phenomena. However, this media wave hides another, more discreet, more subtle but equally strong: the anonymous women who live out their long love stories with a man who could easily be their son.

According to figures published in 2006 by the National Institute of Statistics and Economic Studies, 16% of women are significantly older than their spouses. And though sociologists may not have monitored the impact of this trend that affects all social classes, psychologists have. (read our interview with Maryse Vaillant).

Thirty years ago, these “trans-generational” couples shook public opinion, and had to hide their love, or just give it up. A perfume of incest was seen to waft around them. On the other hand, the mature man in love with a youth was much better accepted than the opposite. Since then, however, we may talk, we may smirk, but eventually, these couples are accepted in society. “The mindset is changing slowly but surely, it is certain,” confirms psychotherapist Laurence Sola.

And it is changing to the point that seeing a mature woman on the arm of a young man does not bother the majorities in the least! And once the initial wave of surprise passes, the vast majority of people are especially sensitive to the sincerity of their feelings. “It is true that the steamroller of the 90s have been through it themselves: gay couples, mixed marriages and so on… by hook or by crook, attitudes have relaxed and we are more open to changes and our differences. As for the key stakeholders, women, having won the right to work and gain financial independence, it is only logical that they then are also able to access sexual independence, and that they can assume their desires as not having to be “politically correct”.

But even today, it takes some courage to live your daily life with a man from another generation. For him confess your date of birth. For you to break the news to your children. To find your place among his parents, who are sometimes your age. And to convince everyone that everything is alright. It takes even more courage to still keep faith when a very young woman crosses the path of your relationship, all whilst your youth flees a little more each day.

It is not easy to live with this constant question hanging over your head: “Will he prefer me to a woman of his age?” Choose to live day-by-day and avoid thinking too much about the future. This was the lesson we learnt from Lydia and Ella, two women we met. Far from the image of the predatory cougar celebrated by the magazines, they have managed to build strong relationships… in spite of everything in their way.

To continue reading our report on “Age difference makes us happy! ”:

Testimonies: Why do we like younger men?

Cougar Town: Cougars can relate!

Maryse Vaillant Interview: Age differences make stronger unions”