Happiness: The joy of living is a choice
updated the 14 July 2015 à 18:33A mixture of pleasure, cheerfulness and lucidity, the joy of living helps us overcome the ups and downs of existence. In this article, a psychotherapist answers our questions and tells us how to cultivate joy.
Between having a stressed husband and upset teenagers, you may feel that your life doesn’t give you a chance to laugh. Nevertheless, you need to find reasons to laugh! A professor recommends laughing for 10 minutes in the morning, and again at noon and in the evening. This is because laughing reduces blood pressure, slows the cardiac rhythm, protects the heart, mobilizes several muscles – such as the diaphragm – stimulates endorphins, regulates sleep and helps fight against stress. If you struggle to find something funny to laugh at, force yourself a little. Take a deep breath and laugh as you exhale slowly. In a few minutes, the beneficial effects are identical to the giggles between friends.
Why is it necessary to try to be joyful at all costs?
Firstly, it is good for the health! Being joyful is also more constructive than misery. Nevertheless, it is not about being joyful all the time or living like a happy idiot.
How to define the joy of living?
Joy can be defined as the state of mind that makes us see everyday life in a positive way. It is a sense of victory over boredom and gloom. While joy is a gross sensation, the joy of living is a choice.
By reading you, we all have the power to make this choice…
Yes, even if we are not equal in terms of enjoyment. Our culture, our family story, our education and our genetic heritage predispose us to that state, more or less. But the good news is that it isn’t just about life events, but rather the way we live them. Moreover, we can change our life perspective at any age.
What was the turning-point for you?
At 40 years, I realized that I had negative thoughts, that I didn’t laugh a lot, that I dedicated less and less time to my friends and so on. I became irritated by cooking or shopping because I viewed these activities as a waste of time. I thought that more essential things were waiting for me and consequently, I enjoyed neither my achievements nor what remained to be done. Thus, I decided to slow down, which allowed me to discover my biorhythm and to feel better. Our sensations inform us about what is advisable to do: the enjoyment of being with a friend makes me want to repeat the experience and, conversely, avoid people who don’t make me feel alive.
You mean that sorting out our relationships is necessary?
Yes, to get rid of toxic relations and toxic activities. We often form habits that are not enriching and bring us nothing fulfilling, such as switching on the TV automatically in the evening, regardless of what’s on, instead of conversing with our partner, our children, calling a friend and so on. More generally, it is necessary to ask ourselves: “What is essential for me?” We have to identify our needs and desires; doing things that are best for us, rather than trying to please others.
To get back pleasure, it would thus be necessary to revisit our habits?
Yes, because we do some things automatically, without much enthusiasm. Does the food you prepare for breakfast really please you? At noon, you might like to walk alone for an hour and enjoy the sun. You also have to learn to say yes to what is worth it: a giggle with your children, even if it is bedtime; a joke with your colleagues, even if you are working on a complicated task. We tend to close the door to these moments; however, these little moments give another tint to our daily grind.
But we can’t change everything; we all have imperatives!
Yes, of course, but why don’t we change how we make them? For example, we can stop doing several things at the same time. Concentrating on the current action enables us not only to achieve it, but also to reduce stress and feel more satisfaction. We can also change our take on various things. In a meeting, instead of speaking about missing people, to be mad to latecomers, show interest in those who are there. The waiting time will be the same, but the emotional difference will be considerable. Choose serenity rather than annoyance; pondering rather than anger.
It is easier to say than do, no?
It takes time. Each person has to find their own way of releasing the pressure, to discover how to enjoy the present moment. For my part, I found harmony thanks to laughing; in particular, thanks to the yoga of the laugh. For some, it will be jogging, for others music, or meditation. Maintaining a healthy lifestyle is also essential, whether in terms of diet, sleep, physical exercise and so on.
Do we have to live in the present in order to be joyful?
Yes, because if we drag around our past misfortunes and fears, it becomes impossible to be joyful. Joy requires space within ourselves in which the lightness can grow.
Can we teach this state of mind to our children, even if we are pessimistic?
If you are pessimistic, it doesn’t necessarily follow that your children will be. Be realistic, but not dark. Do not discourage them, reiterate that they can follow their desires. Education often falls into the trap of pointing out faults; consequently, there are fearful and anxious children. Value them and praise them to boost their self-confidence. I am persuaded that a cheerful child can cultivate happiness in their parents!
Fabienne Broucaret
