Separation: “I was persuaded that our love had not been switched off.”
updated the 14 July 2015 à 18:32The separation saved their relationship: Sandra, 39 years old, sales agent, married for 10 years, two children. Read her story here…
“My husband worked very hard for five years; I didn’t realize the pressure he was under. My 2 year-old son slept badly, and we were on our knees. Inside, I was mad at him for working so much and being absent. I complained and always asked for more, and he became more and more distant. This went on until November 2011, when he told me he could not bear it anymore, and left me. He was lost. At that point, I realised that his job and my selfish attitude had caused the gap between us. I fell into an abyss. He went to live somewhere else. He did not wish to see us anymore; neither me, nor our children. He was extremely tired and lost. It was horrible. I lost nine kilos. But I never offended him, or questioned his life without us. I gathered all my strength to hold on, persuaded that our big love had not gone out, that he just had to get his mind back. I opted for the soft woman’s behaviour; something I had forgotten for a while. We met with a couple’s therapist three times and he was allowed to express himself without anger. The sessions also helped us to hear each other out – something we had stopped doing since the birth of the children. After two months, I reached a limit. I said to myself that these two months were going to be dragged out into three, four, five, I was tired of waiting for him; living in limbo.
I took the decision to divorce and he accepted it. We sat around a table and discussed the shared custody of the children, properties, alimony. We were OK. I lived a nightmare, but I was sure of me. One night, he insisted that we sleep again together. At 5 a.m. in the morning, he woke up feverish. He embraced me by telling me; “But what the hell am I doing? I love you! Obviously!” The fact of leaving him, I think, was decisive. He took time to prop up his love, to recover in our family life. I realized what had just happened, my fragility frightened me, I did not know what he had been doing all this time. I was dizzy. I began to live in fear: fear of speaking to him, fear of stumbling and fear that he would leave again and so on. I was terrorised by everything. It took one year to stop trembling every time I saw him. Really. This was a dreadful period. And then, I learnt to stand back, to give in to the sweetness and the tenderness. Thanks to my questioning, I changed; I am no longer the shrew I was before, and I listen more now.
As for him, he expresses himself more and doesn’t let problems fester. He has never been more in love than he is today, and I feel the same!”
Read more on our ‘separation’ report:
Separation: It saved their relationship
Separation: “I am still afraid that the problems will return”
Separation: “Today, I am calmer and he is more loving”
Marie Le Marois
