Stress: 8 ways to relieve the pressure

1 – IDENTIFY THE PRESSURE

We distinguish a few types:

– Undergone pressure, exercised by our surrounding, by our bosses, by society…

– Integrated pressure, which is the result of pressure we have undergone for a long time, so long that we have integrated its codes. As a result, we pressurize ourselves alone.

– Projected pressure, the one that we exercise on others (your choice: husband, children, colleagues, and so on).

What urges us to accept the pressure? Fear. The fear of not being loved, of not being accepted, of not being recognized, of not achieving our goal…

Exercise. Count how many times, in the same week, you said or heard: “Hurry up”, “I have to hurry up”, “I will never achieve it”, and so on.

2 – LISTEN TO YOUR BODY

It sends us signals to alert us, but we tend to turn a deaf ear to it. Until we burn out. To avoid exhaustion, observe if you have disorders of sleep, of behaviour or of mood, if you have migraines, back pain, general fatigue, and so on. If you have several of these symptoms that are recurring, it’s time to act.

3 – ASSERT YOURSELF (WITHOUT TRANSFORMING YOURSELF INTO A DICTATOR)

Assert your desires, dare to say no and determine limits. In a company, there is an implicit presupposition according to which a motivated employee is one who says yes. This is at the risk of always having more and more tasks to do. But what would happen if you said no to a new task? The consequences are generally much less dramatic than what we imagine. Thus stop being too kind and also learn to put words to your feelings.

Exercise. List the situations where you didn’t express your feelings, where you made compromises reluctantly, where you accepted the unacceptable, and so on. Imagine the same situations by asserting yourself, in a mode where you explode. It is funny and it enables you to put some distance between you and your pressure. Note then what you could say the next time to assert your desire, express your feelings and make your needs respected.

4 – RELEASE YOURSELF FROM GUILT

Like pain, guilt has two faces. On one side, it can be healthy and contribute in making us better, when, for example, we flout our values. On the other hand, we often feel guilty about everything and nothing. And this guilt is sometimes toxic. We can even feel guilty through anticipation by saying to ourselves: “If I don’t do that, it means that I am a bad mother, and so on.”

Exercise. Write a dismissal letter to your guilt (without advance notice and without compensations)

5 – AGREE TO BE IMPERFECT (WITHOUT BEING A LOSER)

To understand this quest for perfection, go back to your childhood: are you a perfectionist by ego, by repetition, in opposition to your parents? This perfectionism is strengthened by society, but also by the social networks where the comparison is rigorous. It is thus necessary to agree to let it go in some domains and to detach yourself as much as possible from the fear of judgment of others. Be careful, it is not about totally letting yourself go!

Exercise. And you, with what can you let yourself go? Make a list of three situations in which you pressurize yourself to make everything perfect. Offer three alternatives. Choose the one where you are less in a panic. Carry it out and make an assessment.

6 – LEARN TO DELEGATE

One of the strong beliefs in the world of the super-heroes, is that it is not possible to ask for help, as it means that you are weak. The most effective resource to release the pressure is not to have more time, but that it is good to delegate. We thus put our pride aside. Do not forget, help from others does not question your value.

Exercise. What do you want to delegate? What can you delegate? To whom do you want to delegate?

7 – STOP COMPLAINING

Grumbling is a direct consequence of pressure undergone as fate. Victim status is a symptom of the pressure that comes from outside. We thus leave the “automatic piloting” mode to take control. Thus follow the advice of Christine Lewicki to stop grumbling for nothing.

8 – ADOPT NEW MANTRAS

“I have the right to make mistakes”, “Not being perfect doesn’t matter”, “I have the right not to accept the pressure others put on me”, “I can act differently for the same effective result”…

Audrey Akoun is cognitive-behaviourist therapist. Isabelle Pailleau is a clinician psychologist of work and learning.

Fabienne Broucaret