Absent-mindedness: Why do I always lose my keys?

“Every time I am ready to leave home, I look for my keys. I finally find them rather quickly. When I come back, do I make the effort to put them somewhere I could easily find them the next day? Of course not! I never pay attention where I park my car, even if I know that I will have to look for it for ten minutes. What about the file I absolutely can’t lose? It is exactly the one that I will look for in half an hour. Same thing with my wallet, my purse, my mobile, my sales slip… anything that I can lose, I lose.”

Who doesn’t have a thousand things to think about? Who is not worried by a problem? However, if you constantly misplace valuables, there is another explanation.

In fact, you build up mini-obstacles to overcome and, when you have found the misplaced object, you feel fulfilled. In a controlled environment, you build up an artificial challenge, which, once overcome, gives you the feeling of having achieved something and leaves you in a better mood. However, the excitement connected to this challenge is never studied consciously.

Here is an example to illustrate this idea. Let’s suppose that you are driving and you are in a pretty good mood—neither full of joy, nor sad, just between both. You are aware that you are going a little bit fast. Unfortunately, the policemen are there and stop you for speeding. They ask you for your papers, and so on… Then, they surprisingly leave you with just a warning. So you get back on the road in a fantastic mood. You say to yourself that you are blessed by God! But in reality, what has changed in your life? Absolutely nothing. You are in an excellent mood because you were victorious in a given situation. When you misplace objects, it creates this kind of situation where you are lucky and victorious.

However, you are not going to lose your heart medicines or throw your keys into the ocean to be able to find them later. The purpose here is to enable you to be the winner in a situation. And it is possible only if you are lucky enough to find your misplaced objects.

In some cases, you create these small challenges because unconsciously, you want to provoke inconveniences for yourself. Maybe you feel guilty and try to pay for the real or perceived injustices that you inflicted on others.

If you are a gambler, you like winning only because your gains enable you to continue playing. You rarely leave with a big win because it wasn’t what you were looking for. What you are looking for is to stretch out the excitement. Nevertheless, it can quickly increase, and you can bet more and more because you need more and more excitement.

This method of functioning is unveiled on daily behaviors. For example, at the table (for lunch or dinner) you refuse to move your plate closer to the serving dish. Or you don’t want to pour coffee right over your cup, preferring to hold the coffeepot at a distance from your cup. So here, what is your unconscious motivation? Here, again, you build up a small challenge to feel satisfaction. Indeed, why would you serve yourself if you don’t risk spilling food or coffee on the table?

1. BE MORE AWARE OF YOUR ACTIONS.

Sometimes, you don’t need a lot to force yourself to pay attention to a gesture, which has become automatic. Consequently, find tricks to help your brain record the place where you put such and such thing. For example, the next time you leave your keys—let’s say on the kitchen table—repeat ten times in a low voice, “I see that I am leaving on the kitchen table,” and visualize your keys coming alive and eating a tuna sandwich. Or if you leave your keys on your desk, repeat the sentence ten times, “I see that I am leaving on my desk,” and visualize your keys sitting down in front of the computer and using your calculator. The more it seems ridiculous to you, the better it is!

Adapt this technique to other activities such as parking your car. And, for optimal efficiency, think of using your digital recorder: “I am parked in A18 slot,” or, “My car is ten metres to the right of the billboard.” It can seem a little bit excessive, but remember that you are trying to overcome a chronic absent-mindedness, and that every small effort can be efficient. By practicing, this process will become automatic and you will have no more problems remembering where you put your common stuff.

2. APPOINT SPECIFIC PLACES FOR YOUR MOST COMMON STUFF AND NEVER PUT THEM ANYWHERE ELSE.

A little organization is often enough to solve the problem. When a system is settled, you don’t have to think anymore! You don’t look for a fish in a birdcage, right? Then do the same thing for your keys, your wallet, and so on… Maybe you could hang your keys on a special hook near the door that leads to the garage (and, in case of emergency, keep additional keys in another place). Place your purse on a shelf—always the same—inside a cupboard. Transport your recorder in your pocket when you go out, and place it in the bottom drawer of your desk when you come back. Force yourself to always put your stuff back in their place as soon as you are done using them.

3. LAUNCH MORE USEFUL CHALLENGES.

The excitement to build up artificial obstacles can be replaced by the deep satisfaction of taking up a challenge that is really worth it. Look around you and try to help others. There is no lack of problems! But concentrate on a particular area and identify one or two things that you could do regularly to help out. For example, inquire about literacy projects in your district and offer your services as volunteer to read to children one hour a week. The satisfaction that you feel by making such a contribution is indescribable.

4. MANAGE YOUR PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE TENDENCIES AND YOUR GUILT FEELINGS.

Sometimes, misplacing essential objects is an unconscious way of punishing yourself or of punishing others. Losing the car keys is a very effective method to annoy others; you not only arouse the concern of your close acquaintances who wonder if these damned keys will be found one day, but also make everybody late. And if you already feel guilty, the fact that they let out their anger on you enables you to doubly punish yourself!

Fabienne Broucaret