Relationship: Why do women always have the last word?

If women obtain what they want from their husband or boyfriend, it is thanks to their intuition, in addition to their growing role in society. Today, seemingly, women control the couple’s dynamic.

Little by little over the years, mothers have asserted themselves, built a social life and, as a result, widened their influence within the family circle. Thus, they enforce their point of view and take the lead more frequently in decisions, whether small or big. “We are living an acceleration of the history concerning the man-woman relationship”, confirms sociologist Ronan Chastellier.

The weapon used here? Language.

Purchasing a house, choosing a car, holiday destination, or a place to live and so on are the many domains where women bloom and excel. This is a female-specific trait, according to Dr Braconnier, psychiatrist and psychoanalyst: “Women have an innate sense of reality. They are more attentive, more observant and they listen more. All these qualities enable them to reach their goal. But to achieve this, they use a very effective tool of persuasion – language.

While men are categorical, even peremptory – “when I say no, it’s no!” – women prefer to discuss and negotiate. They develop a thoughtful, concrete argument, without being dominant, making their partner think like them or, even better, make them believe that they both made the decision together” With all of these changes, what about men? Far from remaining unmoved in front of their wife’s evolution of behaviour, men have also changed, including those over 40 years of age.

Because if, previously, many identified themselves as virile and imperious, they are more and more inclined to let go and accept that their wife shares with them the home’s fate. Nevertheless, they still do not compromise on a point: “At no time, should the man feel dominated over or questioned for his virility”, specifies Alain Braconnier.

Neither a winner nor a loser:

According to Laurence Sola, psychotherapist, women know intuitively when it is the best moment to convince their partner. Unconsciously, they use their femininity and visible fragility to convert their partner: “When a couple gets along well, many decisions are taken in the intimacy of the bedroom, when they find themselves physically close and when nobody disturbs them. It is often in these privileged moments that women decide to approach the issues that mean a lot to them”.

These role changes in the relationship do not make winners or losers; rather, they generate a different balance in the relationship, currently to the advantage of women, following centuries of submission. Historically, it is well known that nothing is ever definitive. Who can say whether or not the growing influence of women will continue? In the future, will men try to take back control?” Laurence Sola doesn’t think so: “The metamorphosis of women is so important that a step backwards seems improbable.”

 Testimonials:

“It took me five years to get married. Nevertheless, we lived together, had a daughter and got along well on everything. Except for this question. I tried everything: discussions, persuasion, allusions that irritated him. One of my friends had a beautiful wedding, a real little girl’s fantasy with the princess dress and fuss; everything I had dreamed. He found that gorgeous and agreed that I would be very beautiful in it. Had I won? No. Our daughter had to get involved: ‘when is mom going to wear a beautiful dress like Sabine?’ Stunned, I heard my man saying: ‘Since both women of my life dream about it, well, we are going to make this wedding happen! ’He admitted: ‘You finally got me’”, Valérie, 44.

“When we bought our loft, Vincent wanted a teak parquet floor, but I had fallen in love with a bleached and oiled solid oak one. I argued: the exotic wood was not ecological and too darkened. For six months, I cut pictures out of magazines to show him how trendy the contrast oak design was! He came back at me with the household argument: bleached parquet shows dirt. Finally, we went back to the showroom; it was raining and we brought the samples outside to the pavement. We walked on them with our wet shoes: the oak parquet remained impeccable, while the teak one showed the dirt. It was the absolute proof!” Dolorès, 38.

“My husband had an affair, a kind of love at first sight. Incapable of making the slightest compromise, I kicked him out. He had to make a choice: her or me and our children. I felt that leading a double life would not have bothered him. At the same time, I asked to move to the area where his parents lived, situated a long way from our home. I knew that I would have the support of his family and that they would take my side. I stood firm for several months, even if I wanted to stop it. I knew how he worked; I had to force him to make a decision”, Caroline, 45.

“My boyfriend was completely opposed to biking! Whereas I am a fan of it. Every weekend, I pedalled in the campaign; a pleasure I would have liked to share with him, especially as it would help him to lose some extra kilos. He turned a deaf ear, until the day our neighbour proposed taking me for a stroll, as in a bike ride. I saw my boyfriend pulling a face. The neighbour and I met regularly  on Sundays. My boyfriend did not resist for long: after a few weeks, he accompanied me ‘to please me’. Hurray! I had bet on his jealousy, and I won!” Marine, 42

Stephanie Torre