Testimony: When did we become adults?
updated the 14 July 2015 à 18:31The transition to adulthood is an important moment in life. Some women recall the moment they became aware of being adults.
“After my separation.”
Joséphine, 39, stylist, single, two children.
“The first time I felt like an adult was during the birth of my first daughter; I became responsible for someone. But I felt completely like an adult when I broke up with the father of my children one year ago. I now manage everything alone, I no longer have the support of my husband, especially in paying the bills. It seems that being an adult is to feel free and to choose to live your life your way. I don’t see anything bad coming, except that I lost my carefree nature and gained some white hair and wrinkles. But I moved forward! I always followed my boyfriends, their ideas, their lifestyle, without looking for what I wanted. Since I began therapy, I am more self-aware; I know what I want, I am more self confident, I face problems rather than avoid them, and I accept my personality. Someone said that it is necessary to digest being an adult in order to reclaim one’s carefree nature. I am impatient though!”
“Since my depression.”
Ariane, 52, executive assistant, married, three children.
“It is only a few months ago that I became conscious of my infantile behaviour in my everyday life. It was not permanent, but I behaved like a child as soon as the emotional and/or loving sphere was involved. Otherwise, I perfectly assumed my role as a wife. However, I experienced a moment of depression and a friend helped me to realise my child-like behaviour. I did not dare to say ‘no’ to my husband, I would just go off to sulk. Even in the loving act, I was not a real mistress but I waited for everything from him. The truth was tough.
Then I activated my ‘adult’ mode: I learnt to say ‘no’ and the art of compromise and negotiation. I learnt to say to my husband; ‘I understand what you say, but I do not adhere to it.’ And I was finally able to explain to my 80 year-old father that I would no longer put up with him treating me like a child. I also told him that I loved him, but I did not want to listen to his endless moaning about ‘his unfortunate life’; he had to take responsibility for his choices. He was dumbfounded and qualified me as a ‘thankless daughter’. Instead of leaving irritated, I calmly repeated to him that instead of the indestructible love and respect I have for him, I wanted to manage my life in my way. As a result, I have now an adult’s relationship with my husband.”
Marie Le Marois
Read more from our ‘Being an adult’ set:
Testimony: What does it mean to be an adult?
Testimony: How we felt becoming an adult?
