Being an adult: A lifelong changing state

We often think we should forgive our parents in order to be an adult…

The most important thing is not to forgive, but to accept: report the errors of your father in the context, see his positive attributes. Being an adult means not complaining or criticising, and seeing the potential of each person. It also means accepting our weaknesses, assuming our choices, and replacing guilt with responsibility.

Is feeling like an adult a way to release the inside critical voice that dictates our behaviour?

Yes, it allows us to assert ourselves with regard to this inside voice, which could necessarily be a childhood event returning to the present. An example: one of my patients considers himself stupid. He is an engineer and thinks that one of his collaborators is much better than him. Is this a real situation or a feeling that has pursued him since childhood? He is so invaded by his childhood scheme that he is not connected with reality. Being an adult means being in the present and connecting with others, including their differences. It is being open, giving and receiving. We are not happy being alone, we are not an adult being alone.

Marie Le Marois

Read more from our ‘Being an adult’ set:

Testimony: What does it mean to be an adult?

Testimony: When did we become adults?

Testimony: How we felt becoming an adult?

Growing up: What does it mean to be an adult?