Dark Side: “Anger is an integral part of my identity”
updated the 14 July 2015 à 18:31Véronique shares her experience of dealing with being constantly mad at herself and those around her.
Véronique, 45, in a relationship.
“Until recently, I was inhabited by anger. The slightest thing made me jump up, roar, and erupt like a volcano. I sent back, nevertheless, the image of a funny, pleasant, energetic woman. Who could suspect that, in private, I was able to shout and offend my partner? Several times, he told me that he could not bear it any more, that he felt like a beaten man. It is necessary to specify that I drank a lot and that my crises had increased in intensity and frequency. It was horrible; I did not always remember what I had said the following day. I thought that anger and alcohol were linked. Thanks to behavioural and cognitive therapy, I stopped drinking alcohol, but my crises persisted, albeit less frequently. Three years ago, I took control of my problem and decided to eradicate it.
I began meditating and, during a session, I had a flashback. I saw myself as a little girl running in the corridor to say goodbye to my father who was going to work. The swinging doors closed on my fingers and my father had to take me to the hospital. It was surprising to recall this memory, which had seemingly no connection with my dark side. I understood that this wound had caused in me a feeling of injustice, as if my father had deliberately not paid attention to me. I then began writing an ‘anger diary’ to identify the triggers and whether there was a link between them. It is always the feelings of injustice and insecurity that come back. Is it connected to my mother? To my painful childhood and teenage years? I do not know. But I finally understood that I have to find this safe place, and not expect it from my partner. I realised that I had to accept my anger as part of my identity. The anger of a woman who does not step back from anything and who fights for important causes, such as ecology. Because anger can also be positive. With my lover, I still get angry, but it is now more short-lived since identifying the causes.”
Gregoire Provost
Read more:
Dark Side: “I maintain secrets and romantic correspondences.”
