Couples: We don’t talk about sex the same way
updated the 14 July 2015 à 18:32Sex may mean something different to the both of you but that doesn’t mean either one is wrong. Read on for how to combat your conflicting ideas.
How can we speak about sexuality with our partner?
It is not easy to formulate our fantasies and desires. After a phase of mutual observation, we should feel more comfortable, shouldn’t we? Everything depends on our representations of sexuality; whether we were raised by nudist parents or come from a lineage of Anglican pastors.
Advice: nothing is worth a participative debate if we know how to find the words and good timing. Pascal de Sutter recommends; “Choose a moment when you are together, for dinner for example, to speak about you, about your expectations. Not to accuse or blame the other one.” Prefer ‘It would be great if we wanted to do it more often, what could we do both to pepper our sexual life?’ Forget “You are too frozen, you should consult someone!” We have to be constructive, instead of saying to ourselves; “What is he/ she going to think of me, I am harassing him/ her?” Rather, ask him/ her; “What do you feel when we speak about our sexual life?” The underlying answers will always come from; “What do you expect from your relationship?”, “Which woman/ man do you want to be? Somebody who fully lives his/ her sexuality or not?” “The real tilt comes when we understand that a reduction in desire is normal and hoping to get back the desire as it was in the beginning is a utopian notion. Having another way to desire, on the other hand, is possible if both participate in it”, concludes Valérie Doyen.
Read more:
How to find sexual harmony with your partner?
Couples: We don’t have the same rhythm
Couples: We don’t have the same approach
Couples: We don’t like the same preliminaries
Couples: We don’t have the same sex drive
Valerie Rodrigue
