Why am I always late?

“If there is a thing that characterizes me, it is the fact I am always late. I am never on time! Whatever are my efforts, even if the traffic is fluid, even if I leave early, I always manage to be late. I tried to move my watch forward by ten minutes, but nothing can be done: I am ten minutes late.”

The systematic delay is generally due to one or several unconscious reasons. First reason: you need to control the situation. By being late and making people wait, you are in a position of superiority and power. If others are waiting for you, it is because they depend on you. You desperately need to feel that you control something, whether it is the hour when dinner is served or the hour when a meeting begins. Being early is perceived by your unconscious as humiliating, degrading. There, it is you who depends on the goodwill or the whims of others, and this dependence is unbearable for you.

The second reason concerns respect. If you do not have much respect for yourself, it does not matter if others perceive you as a bad-mannered and impolite person. If you do not have much respect towards others, it does not matter if you make them waste their time.

The third reason: Being late can flatter your self-esteem, giving you the opportunity to show others how important you are and that your time is more precious than theirs.

The fourth reason: Your repeated delays can be the unconscious expression of anger or resentment towards the person who you have to meet. Unintentionally, you cause him/her an inconvenience because you are having hostility, jealousy or rancour towards him/her.

Finally, it is possible that you appreciate the physiological state associated with the delay. The rise of adrenaline, which accompanies your races against the clock, stimulates you, makes you feel “alive”. In this case, you are with no doubt someone who looks for strong sensations – through gambling games, parachuting or other sports. We can even consider you as an imprudent person, because your need for excitement can incite you to participate in dangerous conduct.

So, now that you know that, what can you do?

1. COMMIT TO ACHIEVE MINOR TASKS, REALIZE THEM AS THEY HAVE TO BE, THEN GRADUALLY MOVE FORWARD TO MORE IMPORTANT TASKS.

When we undergo many failures in life, we often underestimate ourselves and don’t want to take on any more responsibilities. Nevertheless, we always need to control things, even the hour when a meeting begins. Attack the root of the problem by committing to tasks that you know how to achieve successfully: wash the car, set up a quality control, run for half an hour without stopping, wrap a gift for somebody that you like, make your bed, iron, help the neighbour to mow her lawn, take your dog to the veterinarian, and so on. Then think about all the little tasks you do correctly in a day and congratulate yourselves.

Little by little, widen your responsibilities by assuming more important tasks, for example, change a gearbox, plan the budget of the department where you work, participate in a marathon, wrap gifts in a store for Christmas, and so on. Savour the satisfaction of exercising productive control. If, at one point or another, you feel overcome by the task to be achieved and if it awakes your fear of failure, think simply of separating it into intermediate tasks that are easier to manage.

2. FACE YOUR ANGER TOWARDS OTHERS.

Maybe you are constantly suffering from the frustration of having to repress your anger, or maybe you are not even aware of this anger. But if you are systematically late, making people wait for you, it is probably about a passive-aggressive behaviour on which you have to work.

At first, accept being angry, even if you do not know exactly against whom or what you are angry. You can be angry with the person who you make wait for you because he/she reminds you of another person with whom you have resentment. The main part is to release your anger before it makes you blow up or makes you sick. Then get yourselves a punch bag (or any object that could serve you to take away your anger) or find an activity that enables you to take away your anger. It can seem to you a little bit stupid at first, but you will quickly benefit from it. It is better to hit a punch bag than people who surround you, no?

3. RESPECT THE TIME OF OTHER AS MUCH AS YOURS.

When a meeting is delayed because you are late, everybody loses, including you. You can’t respect others without respecting yourself, and conversely. They both go hand in hand.

Realize how important you are for your team-mates and how much your actions affect them. Dare to ask them what the consequences are for your repeated delays. When you understand the negative influence that you create, you will realize how much difference you make and will be much more motivated to establish your schedule accordingly.

Nevertheless, if you always have difficulty being on time at meetings, ask for help from your colleagues. For example, agree with them that five minutes of delay = an additional task to do in the week. Use this system of penalties to modify your behaviour and succeed in working in concordance with the others.

Fabienne Broucaret