We are born guilty, but guilty of what?
updated the 14 July 2015 à 18:34Stop feeling guilty! Realistically, men feel less guilty than us, so why have we got this feeling?
Girls more than boys tend to have the feeling of “not deserving”. Neither compliments, nor good grades change that. The impression of not being ‘capable’ of it is even present in the choice of which higher education to pursue (few girls in the crucial sectors, no more than 27 % of engineering degrees) and in professional life (only 15 % of women are on boards of directors). “We refrain from pursuing our desire sometimes, because we don’t feel authorized to it”, summarizes psychoanalyst Virginia Megglé.
“To silence the guilt and its sensations (confusion, shame, guilty conscience), we prefer to put our aspiration under the carpet and choose to remain the good pupil that doesn’t claim anything. Staying in the background instead of being the centre of attention, we disturb nobody. In reality, we just have one thing wrong: which is not listening to ‘our core desire’, the one that urges us to be more self-aware, to push ourselves to our limits, and to assume our desires”, says Lacan.
The desire to paint naked men, to compete in tough races, to cook on a boat… The more we want, the more we assume, the less we feel guilty. “Why not anticipate the happiness of being responsible instead of feeling guilty? Just like the child who, by identifying him/herself with his/her favourite hero, succeeds in developing in himself the assets that he/she attributes to this character?” questions Virgine Megglé. To be responsible for our fate, why not authorize ourselves to do it?
Read more from our ‘Guilt‘ report:
The female guilt: Is it always the mother’s fault?
Is there anything good about feeling guilty?
Test your guilt
Testimonies: I depreciate myself all the time
Valérie Rodrigue
