Charm and charisma: 9 Ways to becoming unforgettable!

 1. DARE TO BE YOURSELF

“Unforgettable people do not cheat” as Sylvie Bernard-Curie and Christophe Deval, authors of ” YOU HAVE EVERYTHING TO SUCCEED (Intereditions)”, insist on. The worst strategy to become unforgettable would be to try to catch the eye whatever the cost, pretending for example, to be someone else at an interview or at a meeting. It won’t ring true and it will lack this little spark that would make all the difference. To be unforgettable, you have to agree on the traits you aspire to in order to become the person you want to be, and to do what is needed to achieve it. We always remember people who embody values and who are not afraid to be different, especially at work where there are many masks and subterfuges. So, you have to focus on authenticity, not only at work, at play, or in your family, but also…in the bedroom! As the sexologist, Catherine Blanc, argues, to be unique in the eyes of our partner, we often do what we think he or she would like to get. In doing so, we try out different sexual positions that are not in harmony with our real desires and that sounds so fake. Don’t follow the rules, but go at your own pace, follow your desires but also take into account any reservations you may have regarding the moment. You have the key to becoming unforgettable in bed, it depends on your personality, your story, it changes depending on your age and your background. It is in that way that you will be filled with emotion and will make your partner feel the same. And it is that real emotion that your partner will remember. So your new motto is : “I’m me, with my flaws and my weaknesses, and hence I’m good.” You are the only person who can give you value, so take the time to discover yourself and learn to listen to yourself. To sum up, trust yourself.

2. FEEL THINGS

As Caroline Messinger, author of THESE GESTURES THAT BETRAY YOU (First ed.), reminds us, “it is fundamental to have self-control, that shows some confidence, rather to be in perpetual control of what we do that expresses negative emotions”. If you spend your time asking yourself if your outfit is well-fitted or if you let yourself be overwhelmed by negative thoughts, you are going to be blocked in your own space. So you have to learn to feel things, rather than analyze them. Concerning sexuality, the author specifies that “By focusing not only on the sensations that each caress from your partner gives you, but also on the sensations your partner receives from your caress, you will manage to leave your mark on your partner’s mind. Excitement, carnal pleasure and desire are the best guides. You should not be afraid of losing control. On the contrary, let it go. To achieve this, the key is to breathe well, and to let your body act naturally.” In practice, the psychologist Christophe Deval advises, “When you feel that you are becoming withdrawn, you have to be able to re-open your mind thanks to your five senses: the sight, hearing, touch, and so on…

3. BE OUT OF THE ORDINARY

It is when, even if you belong to a group, you keep something special that defines you and anyone else. Unforgettable people are those who achieve uniqueness without being considered eccentric or fanciful. Spotlight your differences without defaming others, as if you were saying :” I’m like you, but look, I can introduce you to this and share more about it”. “Unforgettable people often have an untypical background because of their passion or because of their life, explains Sylvie Bernard-Curie, HR Manager and psychologist. They have an authentic background in contrast with those who have a brilliant but classic one. We identify with them, saying that it would be something to have their life. Unforgettable people aren’t necessarily extraordinary but they are out of the ordinary. And when you are out of the ordinary, people are attracted by you as they are by the sun. ”

4. KNOW HOW TO LOOK

It is through your eyes that you are going to convey the most feeling. A good question will be: “what is a good look?” It is the one that we have in front of a wonderful landscape, a handsome man or a painting that we like, specifies Caroline Messinger. It is a charismatic look, outgoing, with some admiration, in contrast to an evasive look, full of stress or bad feelings. To be unforgettable to your interlocutor, the specialist of non-verbal communication (Caroline Messinger) advises: – Allow a moment of silence before answering him or her; in doing so, your eyes will be the first communication element, before your voice. It will have much more impact. – Stare at him or her for a few seconds just before you leave be it at the end of an interview or at the end of a dinner. By staring at your interlocutor, you will have an indelible impression on him/her, your image will stay in his/her mind

5. FIND YOUR VOICE

If we have to prick up our ears to hear you, it is pretty unpleasant and it’s difficult for you to be heard, but if you speak so loudly that people can hear you on the other side of the room, you will be heard  for sure but not for the right reasons. It’s about finding the right balance and especially learning to place your voice. “Everybody has their own tone” assures Caroline Messinger. To find it, you have to work at it. And thanks to it, you will stay longer in people’s minds. Exercise yourself. Take from five to ten minutes to try. Read a text aloud and change the tone of your voice to better express the emotion that you want to convey. You will get the correct rhythm and tone and you could say: “here we are, this is me”.

6. HAVE FUN

At work or at play, if you stumble across the grouch, or the girl that takes herself very seriously, what do you do? You have to avoid him or her. If you want to be remembered, you should leave a positive impression. Your fatal weapon is your smile. You have to take the drama out of your everyday life. You have to prefer relaxed relationships, particularly at work. The best way to make your lover remember your lovemaking is to consider it a game! So have fun. In practice, you have to do something spontaneous , at least once a week, without analyzing anything or thinking about your experience. Just do it! Within limits of course!

7. BE TUNED INTO THE OTHER PERSON

When you ask men to speak about the lovers who left the strongest impressions on their mind, they will admit without shame that they are neither the most beautiful nor the most expert. But the ones able to invent something according to their partner, to listen and to be listened to, without necessarily speaking. The same as when we are dancing. The moral is that you have to open up, be curious and have the desire to give and receive. It is a real factor of differentiation in every topics. Few people really know how to listen, suggests Christophe Deval. Being interested in the other person is something very simple and easy to do, but it is still rare. It is quite apparent that many people are just waiting for the right moment so that they can say what they have to say. You have to ask questions, be really interested in the other and her/his world. When we are focused on ourselves, we can’t really listen to the other person. You have to try it with a talkative friend, listen to her and exchange conversation with her without speaking about yourself. If you manage to do that with her, then you can do it with everyone else.

8. BE HERE AND RIGHT NOW

Do you remember at school when you answered :”Present! ” at the time of the roll call ( even if after responding you pretended to listen). You have to be here in the present, it is essential if you want to make people remember you for a long time. Whether in a meeting with a client or during a rendezvous with your boyfriend, you have to be completely here. Do not think of anything else, act and be in the present. But of course, do not overdo it! In a meeting, for example, it is not useful to speak all the time just to notify everyone that you are here. Nobody will be fooled. Train yourself during your meal, try to completely concentrate on what you are eating. It will not only be good for your weight, but also for your sense of taste. You will have to make an effort at the beginning, but then it will become completely natural.

9. ADOPT A GOOD POSTURE

Do you remember this famous command: ” Sit up straight” so often hurled at you by your parents during your childhood? You have to keep it in mind, because to be unforgettable, you have to have a good posture. Be straight without being rigid with the feet flat on the floor (you have to avoid crossing your legs or ankles). This will give you an image of stability and flexibility. By looking after you posture, you will command an imposing presence and a new aura will emanate from you. “Charisma is not a physical thing or an original look, sums up Caroline Messinger. It is a strong energy that we all possess but it is more developed in some individuals than others. You get it by being aware of your body and its movements. Do not overextend your mental capacities but really enjoy your body. Learn to listen to it. And you have to remember that, it is not what you show that counts, it is what others see in you and that invites them to project on you what you represent for them. Fabienne BROUCARET